


Take My Breath Away

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-03
Updated: 2003-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-27 15:22:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12083814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Justin is at the end of his rope and no one can save him except for Brian.





	Take My Breath Away

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

1:30 PM Friday   
Justin walked up to Lindsey's house and paused at the front door. He wondered if he could even have enough strength to knock at her door. He clutched an envelope in his hand nervously. He needed to talk and no one understood as well as she did. She was always so caring and gentle with him and Justin loved her for that. Touching his knuckles to the door to knock-the door swung open. 

"Hello" Justin smiled slightly as he spoke.

Lindsey smiled back and then quickly spoke. "I was just going out to meet Melanie for a quick lunch and there you are standing at my door" 

She backed inside the door and motioned him in. She looked to the boy who seemed distance and spoke. "So how are things?" 

"Ummm ok I guess" Justin replied. He wasn't being honest and Lindsey knew it.   
"Want to Talk" Lindsey tired to bring him out of whatever slump he was in. She looked for any clue that could have made him look so sad. Justin wanted to but knew that Melanie was waiting and in the end where would the conversation lead. Would it change his mind? Probably not. 

Justin shook his head and spoke. "No go ahead I know you have plans but here" Justin handed her the envelope and walked away. Knowing if she read it before he could get away it would ruin everything. Lindsey put the envelope in her pocket. Between shuffling Gus and the diaper bag she couldn't open it at that moment. She figured it was a picture of Gus or Brian so she would wait until they got home after lunch and then take a look. She headed out to meet Melanie. 

Justin wanted to forget the week. It had been one of the worst weeks he has had since the bashing. He continued to walk as his thoughts drifted to the letter he gave Lindsey. He wanted to thank her for being there for him and caring so much. He wished that things could have been different but things weren't. He had to realize that. Over the last few weeks his whole life was turned inside out. His thoughts were overflowing as he felt the need to run as fast as he could to get away. 

A few days prior   
Justin was working a late shift at the diner when he had noticed his Mom come in. Jennifer never came there unless something was wrong. He looked at her trying not to show any fear or anticipation that might make her with hold vital information. "Mom, What's wrong?" Justin choked on his words. 

Jennifer knew that keeping things from him would only hurt him in the long run...she sighed then spoke quietly. "Justin, Your father wants to speak with you tonight even though I tried to tell him that you were working late. But he insisted that I come out here now." Jennifer waited for some excuse but instead he agreed to come over. Justin put down his wash cloth and spoke. "Mom, Let me tell Deb I'm leaving" Justin disappeared in the back. Jennifer stood up after a few minutes and headed to the door to meet up with her son. 

Both were very quiet on the ride over. Justin's mind was working overtime and trying to figure out what could be so important that his father needed to talk with him at such a late hour. Didn't matter, he was just waiting for it to be over. He wondered why he had agreed to this. Nothing ever good came from these meetings. Justin entered the house and saw his dad sitting on the couch. He had been drinking. The smell alone could intoxicate him. He waited for his dad to speak. "Justin, Sit Down" Justin sat down on the opposite side not wanting to make it any easier to be hit if his dad decided to lose his temper which in most cases always happened. His father continued. "Justin-I've been meaning to talk with you for sometime" His words seem to drift off as he continued, probably due to the alcohol. "I have been saving something for you and want you to have it now" 

Justin's curiosity was peaked. His father never offered him anything more than a few beating here and there. Craig looked from Justin to Jennifer and told her to leave them alone. Jennifer who was standing near the hall gave a weak smile knowing that Craig was unpredictable. Over the last few months he had become mentally unstable and swore that he wasn't the one who needed help. It was Justin who needed it. Reluctantly she went to the kitchen and sat at the table trying not to cry. She clutched a tissue and listen to the men talk.

"What is it Dad?" Justin replied; hoping it was something that was from there past they both shared. Memories of them together. Loving him unconditionally. But he couldn't jump to conclusions. His father stood up and staggered over to his dresser drawer and pulled out a black case. Justin hadn't recognized it and sat straight up to see if he could get a better look at it. Like in a movie when something bad is going to happen it plays in slow motion- Justin's heart sank. A black object slowly pulled out of the case. Craig was stroking it. He took his eyes off the object and smiled a devilish grin. 

"Dad?" Justin whispered as his heart felt like exploding in his chest. 

Was his father actually going to kill him? His thoughts raced as he let out a cry as he stood up to escape. His father even though intoxicated was able to maneuver around the furniture and grab Justin by his hair. Craig grew angry and pulled Justin to his knees and held the gun to his head swearing that if he made a sound he was going to die. Tears were streaming down his face as he begged his father not to do it. 

Craig raised his hand and knocked the shit out of him several times before he went in to screaming mode. Yelling! "Shut the fuck up you little faggot" Justin was dazed but was still able to comprehend what his father was saying. Craig continued ranting as he filled Justin's head with bullshit. "Justin everyone in your life can't stand you, they just feel sorry for you' that's all! But eventually everyone will get sick of all the problems and soon will throw you away like the garbage you are. Then where will you be? I will only offer you this chance once. Come home now and forget all this bullshit and that pervert Kinney or forget about your family ever wanting you in our lives!" Justin looked up at his father and shook his head. Either way he would lose his father. Even if he tried, he could never pretend to be someone else.

Justin was shaking uncontrollably as the pain in his head grew. Jennifer could hear her son pleading with Craig and couldn't stand it anymore. She ran to the living room and screamed. She had no idea that he even had a gun and where on earth did he get it! 

She screamed. "Craig.NOOOOOO!" Jennifer dropped to her hands and knees and begged him not to hurt their son. Craig looked at her mockingly and laughed out his words. "Our son? He's not my son anymore! I forbid you and Molly to see him"

Craig let the gun fall to his side and passed out on the floor. Jennifer ran over to him and pulled the gun out of his hand and put it back in the case. Justin looked over to see if his Dad was going to move. After a few minutes he realized that the man was out cold and stood up. He slowly walked to the door trying to avoid Jennifer and her pleas. She was trying to hold him but Justin continued to push her away. She cried to him. "Justin, sweetie I"m so sorry. I had no idea that he would do such a thing. I would never let him hurt you. If I'd known what he was planning I'd never had brought you here." He pushed her aside again and spoke quietly.

"Mom, don't say anything to anyone about this. I"m serious!" Jennifer nodded as she promised.

Justin gave a weak smile and told her he would be fine. This was just something he would bury deep down and get through when things calmed down. Justin walked outside as a cool breeze tickled his cheek. The overwhelming feeling to run away came back stronger than before. He took off running as fast as he could. Never stopping when his sides felt like they were going to cave in and when his heart felt like it was going to explode. He ran until he reached the loft. Justin didn't want to have to explain why his face and head were swollen and turning shades of color. He would have to lie. He fumbled through his pockets for his keys. Pulling them out he took a deep breath and prayed that Brian was asleep.

Justin quietly entered the loft and knew immediately that Brian was awake. Even though all the lights were out he could hear his breathing and it wasn't the usual rhythm. He strolled over undressing on the way. Everything he did had to be normal or he might give himself away.  
Justin slowly climbed in to bed and waited. Pulling the covers over his head he heard Brian.

"Where were you Justin?" Brian didn't even look at him. Thank God because if he had he would have seen the bruises that covered the teen's face. Then he would have asked more questions and he wasn't ready to answer any. Justin could hear the irritation in his voice and only hoped that he sounded convincing when he spoke. "We had a busy night and I lost track of time" He hated to lie to Brian but what else could he do. Tell him the truth? Brian didn't need any more of my problems to deal with. What if my father was right? He thought as he waited for Brian to scold him. 

Brian rolled his eyes knowing that the teen was hiding something but in all honesty was to tired to deal with the drama. Brian turned over and went to sleep. Justin's heart sank for the second time that night. His father was right, even Brian was sick of him. Lonely, he needed to talk but in the end he had no where to turn. He lay there on the bed waiting for sleep to overcome him. Even then he knew that his nightmares would control him. There never was a moment of peace with his life. 

The Following Morning   
Justin woke up to find himself alone in bed. He let out a long sigh feeling as if his heart and soul had been sucked from him forever. Climbing out of bed, he turned on the radio. Thinking to himself. "Maybe some music will make me feel better". 

The DJ was chattering about a new song that was hitting the streets. Justin was half listening when he heard the words to the song. He sat down on the couch and listened as his heart released. The song was soothing and it reminded him of Brian and himself. 

Let me be your hero-Would you dance if I ask you to dance-Would you run and never look back-Would you cry if you saw me crying-Would you save my soul tonight-Would you tremble if I touched your lips Would you laugh oh please tell me this-Now would you die for the one you love-Hold me in your arms tonight-I can be your hero baby-I can kiss away the pain-I will stand by you forever-You can take my breath away-Would you swear-that you'll always be  
mine-Would you lie-Would you run and hide-Am I into deep-Have I lost my mind-I don't care your here tonight-I can be your hero baby-I can kiss away the pain-I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away-Oh I just want to hold you-I just want to hold you-oh yeahhhh  
Am I in to deep-Have I lost my mind-Well I don't care your here tonight-I can be your hero baby-I can kiss away the pain-I will stand by you forever-You can take my breath away-I can be your hero-I can kiss away the pain-Now I'll stand by you forever-You can take my breath away-you can take my breath away-I can be your hero-```Enrique Iglesias-Escape``` 

Justin sat there until the song finished. That song summed up his whole life. He sighed and got up to take a shower. He couldn't stay inside and hide from the world forever. Justin undressed and turned on the hot water. Stepping in he felt the hot scolding water beat on his back. He was completely unaware that his body had become weak suddenly and found himself crouched on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. The water drowned out his cries as his tears blended in. He found himself confused and scared. How could things have gotten so bad with his father and with his life? He shook as he realized he must have been in the water for quite some time. The water was ice cold. Slowly standing up, he regained his footing and turned off the water. Letting the cold air surround him, he had the same feeling of dread and felt the need to run away as fast as he could and never look back. 

Run where? No one wanted him! Didn't need his problems! He lowered his head and went to dress. He walked out of the loft and headed to the diner. He had picked up an afternoon shift even though he was working the late shift too. Anything to keep his mind off his problems.   
Justin walked inside and automatically noticed the guys in their usual booth. Ted and Emmett were laughing and Brian and Michael looked as if they were in deep conversation.   
Actually it looked like Michael was doing all the talking while Brian was reading the paper occasionally looking up to acknowledge his words. He watched for a few minutes and put on a happy face. Secretly thinking that if he had never admitted being Gay his life would have been a lot easier. He shook that thought away. If that were the case then he would have never met Brian and nothing in the world could make him want to forget Brian. 

Trying not to look to disappointed that Brian hadn't made an effort to notice him he went to the counter, grab his supplies and went to work. The bruising on his face had turned a slight darker but the swelling had subsided. He knew that once Deb saw his face she would either pull Brian over or make him tells everything or she will just babies him. In any case he didn't want either. At least she wouldn't be there for a few hours so it gave him some time to think. He just wanted to be left alone to figure out what he was going to do. His mind drifted back to last night... Tears had begun to warm his eyes when he was brought back to the presence after hearing one of the patrons yelling across the room.

"Excuse Me? Can we get some service?" Justin snapped out of his hell and looked over to see Michael waving his arm as he yelled. He slowly walked toward the table watching Michael's face grow more agitated that he was going so slowly. Justin wasn't sure if he was doing it on purpose to make him mad or if he was just to tired to deal with him and his bullshit. He smiled a little thinking probably both. He finally stood in front of their table and looked up. Every one immediately noticed the bruises but instead of saying something about it they all turned to Brian who hadn't looked up. Justin couldn't stand the look. Especially one of pity. Again his mind went back to the night before when his father had made the declaration of his pathetic life. Burying it once again he spoke. "What can I get you?"

No one said a word. Michael looked over at Justin and sarcastically replied. "What happened to your face?" That caught Brian's attention. Looking up he also asked but in a more firm I'll kick your ass if you don't tell me kind of way. Justin stepped back not wanting to hash over his problems. Ignoring the stare from Brian he replied "I'm here to take your order, not talk about me. So if you're ready to order" He paused waiting for them. Brian was getting pissed. The look on his face was of annoyance. He stood up and pulled the teen closer whispering in his ear. 

Justin wanted to break down right there and tell him everything but he couldn't. He wanted Brian to hold him forever but feared that something would take that away too. Brian slightly pushed him aside and left the diner. Justin knew he was going to go to Babylon later that night. He sighed thinking of the words Brian whispered. If things weren't so complicated.   
Michael got up and pushed Justin hard as he tried to follow Brian. Glaring an evil look at Justin, he walked outside. Brian was leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette ignoring Michael's attempts to calm him down. 

He began with his usual whine. “Listen Brian Justin isn’t yours to worry about. He needs to stop all this drama bullshit and let you have your life back. Ever since he came in to our lives he has fucked up everything. Look he even has my Mom and uncle Vic suckered in to his I'm so young and can't live on my own bullshit and I need Brian Kinney to be my daddy because mine hates my little queer ass" Brian turned to look at his best friend and replied angrily. "Mikey it isn't like that and you know it" Michael became annoyed and spoke without thinking. "Then what is it?" 

Michael knew he wouldn't get an answer so he turned to look inside the diner. Watching Justin waiting on customers it made him mad that he was taking advantage of his best friend and getting away with it. He wasn't going to let it happen anymore. Brian looked to the boy and let out a deep sigh. He knew something was up and refused to let Justin hide. He looked to Michael and spoke. "Let it go Mikey. It's none of your concern" with that said Brian grounded out his cigarette and walked to his jeep leaving Michael frustrated. 

Michael walked back inside and sat down with the guys who had already ordered something for them all to eat. Emmett looked up and questioned Michael for his childish exit. He didn't have to push Justin like that. Michael shrugged his shoulders and pushed his food away.  
He wasn't hungry anymore. 

Brian put the key in his jeep as his thoughts ran rapid. He couldn't get the nagging feeling that something was majorly wrong to vanish. He was concerned for Justin and hated to have feelings for the young teen. Nothing more scared him than the boy realizing that he was no good for him. Looking out his window, he caught a glimpse of the blond working. His love for the artist was stronger than he could have imagined. As he pulled out of the lot he knew he would have to corner Justin tonight and find out what was wrong even if it proved that he had feelings for him. Meanwhile Emmett watched the young teen move about waiting on customers. He knew something was off with the boy and it made him uneasy. 

Michael caught Emmett staring and turned to see Justin. He swore under his breath and couldn't believe that the twink could cause so much trouble and not care. He called Justin over and spoke. "What the fuck are you doing?" [Grabbing Justin's arm] He pulled the man close and whispered. "Answer me Damnit! What the fuck are you doing" Justin knew where this conversation was going to lead and spoke void of any emotion. "I'm working"   
Michael became irate and began to yell. "You think your so fucking funny don't you boy wonder! Well, let me tell you that if you continue to hurt Brian I'm going to kick your ass. Oh by the way if you think this is over between us your so fucking wrong" 

The guys watched Michael as he held tightly on to Justin's arm not sure what he had planned. You could already see bruising of his fingerprints appearing on Justin's flesh. If Brian knew what Michael was doing they all knew that Michael would have a new asshole. But Justin wouldn't tell Brian because that wasn't his way and of course Michael wouldn't because he knew that Brian would be pissed. Justin was so tired of arguing with him. That's all they ever do.   
Justin smirked pulling his arm from his grip and whispered. "Michael if you think you got the balls to kick my ass go right ahead but let me tell you this; this pathetic bullying doesn't intimidate me. I've had better." With that said Justin walked away hurting that Michael could have been so cruel. It does matter what he thinks of him. He's Brian's best friend. He shrugged it off as another customer called him for service. 

Justin worked his afternoon shift and decided that he would go out for a little while until his evening shift started. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do but he needed to get some fresh air. His head had been bothering him all afternoon and he just wanted to go home and lay down. He went and sat down on a bench and watch the passer bys happily living their lives. He must have sat there a good hour. He was so lost in his memories he hadn't noticed that Michael was approaching. The man leaned over and whispered. "So what are you concocting in your head now to hurt Brian?" Justin looked at him not wanting to even waste his energy on him. How many times did they have to get in to it before Michael realized that Justin didn't care? He sat there hoping he would get the hint and go away, but Michael had plans for him and wanted to show him what his little games did to hurt people. He was going to play the game and in the end Justin would be the loser, not Brian. Grabbing Justin's chin and neck forcefully, he held him to keep his attention. He growled in Justin's ear. "All these fucking problems that happen to you are your own fault. If you hadn't walked in to our lives we all would have been better off! When you said that I was a bully well Chris Hobbes wasn't until you got caught up in his life and look at him now! He's so fucked up because of you. Once again its all your fault then you expect Brian to pick up the pieces. You fucked up your life not Brian and your punishing him for it and I love Brian so much that I pretend to be a friend to you." Michael felt better that he'd gotten that out and released the boy from his grip. 

Justin turned and looked at him and softly whispered "what do you know about love Michael? Your still waiting for that day when Brian jerks you off" Justin got up and headed back to the diner leaving Michael sitting on the bench looking pissed. Bruises were forming around his neck and bottom of his chin. These would be darker and harder to hide and even harder to explain. He couldn't tell Brian that Michael was hurting him. That would make more problems and he didn't want Michael to be right. As he got to the diner he saw Deb walking inside. He never missed a shift but he couldn’t bring himself to go in there. All the questions and then she would call his mother. He didn't need it. His life was crumbling and nothing he did made it any better. It seemed to only get worse and no one could help. He knew his appearance looked awful. He hadn't slept in months and the bruising on his face. Neck and chin looked like he had a run in with a Mac truck. Well, that's how he felt. Instead he decided to go to Babylon and find Brian. He needed him so bad at that moment. He could barely breathe. 

Babylon   
He walked in scoping the room for his lover. Nothing. Justin walked in the back room and still no Brian. He whispered to himself. "Where could he be?" It was still early and Justin knew that eventually he would show up so he would wait around. He wasn't up for dancing and even though his sex life wasn't as much as before, he just didn't have the energy to play games and to be honest he hadn't been with anyone since the bashing except Brian. He hated for anyone else to touch him. He walked up to the catwalk and in the corner sat a dingy vacant couch. He would sit there and wait. After about an hour watching for Brian and shooing off men that were interested he drifted off to sleep. He awoke not opening his eyes not realizing that he had fallen asleep upstairs at Babylon and wasn't home with Brian. 

He could feel a warm hand glide over his chest and play with his nipple ring. He loved when Brian played with it. He moved closer to the man wanting more of him. It had been awhile since Brian and him made love. The man unbuttoned Justin's pants and slid his mouth slowly down. Immediately he felt different. He opened his eyes and it all came back to him. He wasn't at the loft and this stranger isn't Brian. Justin pushed him off and screamed. "Who the fuck are you?" The guy smiled but said nothing. He only continued to caress the boy. Justin was scared. He was alone and didn't know if he could get away. Brian was the one who usually pushed the ones away who got aggressive but he wasn't there. The dance floor was empty except for a few employees hanging out at the bar but didn't seem to care that he was up there afraid. It was kind of creepy and the loneliness was stronger at that very moment that Justin looked up at the stranger and asked him again. "So who the fuck are you?" Again no response. Justin walked by the stranger hoping that he would just let him pass. He didn't. The man grabbed his waist and pulled him closer. Justin tried to fight him off but it was useless. The man was a lot bigger and Justin wasn't much of a fighter. Again that was Brian's role. Justin stood there as the man groped him. He felt like giving up; he let his tears fall. He would just have to bury this deep down and hope that it never resurfaced again. This would be just another mishap in his pathetic life.

The man was becoming more agitated that Justin wasn't cooperating. The stranger spoke "What's a cute twink doing here by himself? Someone should teach you a lesson. It’s not safe here all by your lonesome" the stranger slapped him a few times trying to get the boy to submit. Justin dropped to the floor holding his cheek as his tears cooled the burning. Justin looked as if he had lost all hope in life. He looked at the man with tired eyes and spoke "Fuck you!" Some where he was able to gather enough strength and resist the larger man. Justin refused to get up and give him access to his body. He might get the shit beat out of him but he wasn't about to let this prick get to his ass without his permission. He closed his eyes and waited for the beating. 

The pain was soon gone as he could feel the numbing taking over. Justin lay there hoping that the man had left. Hearing a small voice. "Hey Kid? You okay?" Justin opened his eyes and saw a different person. He wasn't sure who he was but he was a little relieved that it wasn't the bigger man. This guy was a lot smaller and older. Justin knew that if he had to he could take him. Realizing he hadn't spoke, he choked out a few words. "I could be better" 

The older man spoke tenderly. "You know were closed and your not supposed to be up here. Anyway I'm leaving, so you want a ride? Trust me Barry is coming back and you don't want to be here when he comes back. He's not finished with you yet. By the way I'm Manny" Justin looked up at him and nodded his head. He knew he needed to get back to the loft so he took him up on his offer knowing that this guy Barry could be a serial killer or something. Leaving the club Justin let out a sigh of relief. He looked to the other man and quietly whispered his address. 

Manny was an older guy probably in his 60's but still very attractive. He kept up the conversation mostly because Justin looked like he needed a friend. Manny dropped him off and drove away. Justin didn't even have enough time to thank him. Slowly he walked up the stairs not wanting to use the elevator waking up Brian. He opened up the door and saw Brian sitting on the couch as Deb-Emmett and Lindsey were pacing the floor. Michael was there to but not for the same reasons. Justin was surprised and wondered why they were there. 

Deb spoke. "Where the fuck have you been?" Deb was crying but you could still tell she was pissed. She continued. "You didn't show up for your shift-and I called Brian and he didn't know where you were!" Before Justin had time to respond Lindsey approached and spoke with concern in her voice. "Oh my God what happened to you sweetie?" Justin didn't even reply. What was he going to say that he fell asleep waiting for his lover at Babylon and then some big guy came over tried to rape him but when he couldn't he got the shit beaten out of him-now that sounds like a drama princess. 

Michael was pissed and stormed toward him. Raising his fist, he knocked the shit out of Justin. Michael began to yell "you little asshole-You made my Mom come out here once again to clean up your shit and look at Brian!" By then Brian had gotten hold of Michael and told him to sit his ass down. Justin lower lip had begun to bleed. The warm sensation tickled his bruised face. He looked at them all without saying a word. Lindsey tried to wipe the blood off but he backed away. He didn't want to be babied or felt sorry for. He could take Michael if he wanted to but he didn't care. His thoughts drifted as he tried to remember when he stopped caring about himself. 

Lindsey again tried to approach but this time Justin held his hand out to motion her to stop. His hand was shaking and he quickly put it down. He wanted them all to go and leave him alone. Why couldn't they just leave him the hell alone and let him go to sleep? He thought. That's all he wanted. He just wanted to go to bed and let Brian hold him and tell him that he was going to be ok. Brian stepped over next to him. He didn't move. He looked in to his eyes and wanted so badly for Brian to see his pain. He wouldn't cry this time. Brian gently took his hand and caressed his cheek noticing the fingerprints on his neck and chin and the bruising-so many bruises. 

"What happened?" Brian almost whispered. 

Michael interrupted. "So are we going to get an explanation on why we had to come out at such a late hour?" Not caring that Justin looked like he did. Of course he was to blame for the fingerprints but he knew boy wonder would keep his mouth shut. Justin smiled as he thought the only reason Michael came over was to get Brian's dick. Brian saw the smile knowing that the young boy was hiding behind a mask. He could see the fear in his eyes. His eyes told him everything. Brian stood up and told everyone to leave. That he would call them tomorrow. 

Emmett realizing that the situation between Michael and Justin had just gotten worse. He approached Brian and spoke. "Listen Brian I need to talk. It's important" Brian caught the concern in the mans voice and agreed to a meeting. Brian replied. "Meet at the diner tomorrow afternoon" Justin stood by the door frozen as his adopted family members left with disappointed looks on their faces. He realized at that very moment that his father was right. No matter what, he would lose everyone he loved and cared about. The loft was quiet as Brian slid the door shut. He didn't move from his spot but kept a close eye on Brian's movements. 

Brian was trying to control his temper. He looked to the boy who seemed lost. He approached the smaller man and spoke. "Where the fuck were you?" Before Justin could answer Brian had pinned him against the wall. It wasn't hurting him but it had scared him. He trembled as he whispered his response. "I was at Babylon" 

Brian released the boy feeling the tremors that escaped the smaller frame. He quietly spoke.  
"I can't keep doing this Justin! Every time someone has a problem with you they call me. Mikey is right. Did you even think to call and let us know you were okay? No because you were being an over dramatic princess again." Brian wasn't meaning any of the things he was saying but he was so worried that something bad had happened that he couldn't express what he truly was feeling. When he saw the bruises on Justin and the fingerprints he wanted to go out there and find the asshole who did it and kick his ass, but at the same very moment he was pissed for having feelings for him. He was torn. 

At that moment Justin knew he couldn't survive without Brian in his life. He messed up his whole life and he had no one else to blame but himself. He would end it. Justin looked at Brian and whispered "I Love You" one last time before wiggling out of Brian's hold and running out of the loft. He headed to his mom's house. When he got there he stumbled up to the front door and knocked lightly hoping his father didn't answer. Thankfully his father had been sleeping when his Mom had answered the door. She gasps as her son walked in the door. She couldn't help but question Justin about all those bruises. She knew Craig couldn't have caused all that. She again spoke. "Honey tell me what's wrong? Who did this to you?" 

Justin wasn't there to hash over his many problems. He quietly whispered."Nothing I forgot something in my room" She nodded and knew that she wouldn't get much information out of him. At least not tonight. Jennifer asked if he wanted something to drink and he said yea knowing that it gave him the opportunity to get what he came for. As she went to get it Justin went to the dresser and pulled out the black case-put it in his backpack and left. He didn't want to wait for his mother to return. He wasn't sure how much longer he could hold himself together. He began to run as fast as he could to get away from everything that haunted him. He let his tears slide down his cheeks as he went to a park and sat down by the water. The park had a few swings and a slide. Nothing spectacular. But it was the location that gave him the privacy he needed. The pond was black with a little glimmer from the moon. Justin sat there for a long time trying to sort out everything that happened. He couldn't face everyone and tell them he wanted to die. They would try to convince him that he was wrong. He pulled out a pad of paper and started to write them each a letter. Tears were falling more rapidly as he jotted down his thoughts to each one of the people he loved. 

Dear Mom and Dad:  
I love you very much. When I told you I was Gay our relationship changed. I never stopped loving you. I only hope that you never stopped loving me. Right now I am at a loss for words. All I can say is that I love you more than anything, mom, and please don't blame yourself. Dad is right. I brought all of this on myself and now I need to fix it. Tell Dad that his queer son is gone forever and no longer an embarrassment to the family. Tell Molly I love her. Please don't call Brian I've put him through enough. Love Justin 

Dear Deb and Uncle Vic:  
I wanted to thank you in person but under the circumstances I can't. You both have done so much for me. I wanted to tell you that you made me feel like your family and I actually belonged somewhere. I won't lie to you. I have so much pain that I've carried for so long that I can no longer bear. I want to die. Please don't blame yourselves. My dad was right. Michael was right. Please don't be mad at Michael he just wants Brian to be happy and so do I. I love you all. Please don't call Brian It will only make things worse. Love Justin 

Dear Emmett and Ted:  
I know you are Brian's friends but I still hoped somewhere in there you actually liked to hang out with me. I always had a great time with you guys and I always felt accepted. Please understand that nothing you two did made me come to my decision. I just don't want to live anymore. I feel like everyone in the world hates me and that no matter what I do I will never be happy. Please keep Brian sane. Love Justin 

Justin folded up the letters and put them in his backpack. He had already mailed one to Daphne. He would wait until morning to drop them off. Justin Taylor would be gone forever. 

Bringing his thought back to the present day he had just handed Lindsey a letter telling her good-bye. He had left letters for everyone except for Brian. He didn't want to cause him any more pain than he had already. He headed toward the loft to pick up one last thing before he ended his life. 

Meanwhile Lindsey sat down on her couch and pulled out the paper. She could only imagine the beautiful picture Justin might have drawn of their son. Once she opened it her mouth dropped open and tears flooded her vision. She tried to read the rest but was unable. She screamed. "Oh My God Melanie!" Melanie came running hearing the urgency in her lover’s voice.   
Lindsey picked up the phone. She didn't know what else to do but call Brian at work. She clutched the letter and held her breath as she waited for Brian to pick up.

Brian's secretary picked up and spoke. "Ryder Agency, This is Cynthia speaking. How may I direct your call?" Lindsey cried out. "Brian Kinney. It's an emergency!" Cynthia put the frantic woman on hold and went to Brian's office. She lightly knocked and waited for permission to enter. Once in she spoke. "Brian there is a woman on the phone and says it's an emergency. I believe it's Ms Peterson" Brian lifted his head up from the stack of papers he was engulfed in and nodded his head. He looked to his phone and saw line one blinking. He pressed the button and heard Lindsey swearing. He immediately spoke. "What's wrong? Is Gus all right?"

Lindsey cried out. "Gus is fine but its Justin." Brian's heart fell and demanded to know what was going on. Lindsey began to explain."Justin came to me this morning. I knew something was wrong but I overlooked it because he said he was ok. Anyway he handed me a letter. Brian I thought it was a drawing but its not." Brian whispered. "What kind of letter is it, Lindsey?"  
She began to cry again as she attempted to read the note. Melanie watched her partner tremble and took her hand to calm her. She began crying so hard that you could barely understand her. Brian was pleading with her to calm down and read the letter. After a few moments Melanie gently took the phone and read the letter. 

Dear Lindsey-Melanie  
I wanted to thank you for everything you have done for me. I had no family until I walked down Liberty Ave and stepped in to Brian's life. I was accepted by all of you with open and loving arms. I will miss you all. I realized a few days ago that my father was right. I am not worth loving-I wish he had killed me when he had the chance. But it doesn't matter now. Michael was right too. I have caused you all so many problems that you all would have been better off not knowing me. I will end my pain. Please don't cry for me-this is for the best. Please tell Gus that I loved him very much. Try and keep Brian from doing anything stupid and please make sure he knows that he's not to blame. Ps Please don't call Brian until later. He hates it when everyone calls him about me. Love Justin 

Melanie handed the phone back to Linds unable to speak any longer. She had to take in deep gulps of air to keep her self from crying. Brian was speechless. Lindsey knew that he was taking it harder. "Where do you think he would go?" Lindsey cried. Brian let the phone drop and ran to his jeep. He had to get to Justin. He couldn't let his love of his life disappear forever. He drove to his loft not knowing if Justin would be there lying hurt or worse..Dead. Brian's cell continued to ring as everyone else had received their letters.

Justin had reached the loft. He slowly made his way up to retrieve something. But when he got there he had forgotten what he had come for. He walked around the loft for a few minutes caught in a trance of self-despair. He picked up a picture frame of him, Brian and Gus. They were all smiling. How he wished he could go back when things were better. Before the bashing him and Brian connected and he knew the ad exec loved him. But things changed. He set the frame down and willed himself not to think about Brian. He knew Brian would be lost and upset but he would get over it. It was for the best. He quickly walked over to the corner and ran his fingers against the oil painting he had done of Brian. He whispered. "I will always love you Brian" As soon as he put the gun to his head Brian stormed through the door. Caught off guard Justin let his body fall against the wall and crouched down. 

Brian looked to see Justin sitting in a corner holding a gun to his head. "Justin!" Brian cried. Justin curled his finger around the trigger and shook as Brian tried to approach. Brian seeing his haunting blue eyes stood back and whispered. "Justin please listen to me-I didn't mean what I said the other night. I was so worried that something bad happened that when I saw you safe I grew angry that you made me feel something" Justin looked up as tears flowed heavily. Brian had to keep talking "I know a lot of things haven't been going great in your life and I could have probably made it a lot easier" 

Before Brian could even finish Justin spoke "Its not your fault Bri. It’s mine. My dad is right. Michael is right! In the end no one will love me I'm damaged goods-can't you see that?" Justin wanted so bad to end his life. The pain had grown so intense that he barely could breathe. The last few weeks he had been walking on the edge. He needed so badly for someone to hold him and tell him that he wasn't trash and that he was worthy. But no one did. They all had their lives and His was just interfering. He grasped the gun tighter and pulled at the trigger.

Brian fell to his knees and cried out. "Justin please! For one moment would you just look at me?" Justin released the trigger and looked in to his eyes, he could see the pain he was causing. He hated himself for that. Even when he was trying to end his pain, he was causing more to the ones he loved. Brian whispered. "Justin, [tears were falling] I can't lose you-I love you"   
Justin was shocked that Brian had said the words but still he didn't put the gun down.   
Brian began to beg. "Justin please give me the gun! I can't lose you. Don't you understand that you mean the world to me?" 

Justin shook his head and replied. "No! Don't you understand Brian I want to die. I can't wake up every day and wait for you to realize that I'm not worth your time and make me leave. I can’t go to sleep knowing that in some way I caused you pain. Just let me do it. It's better this way. For a moment I thought I had a family but I was wrong. Their your family Brian, not mine! I was stupid to think I belonged somewhere" Justin brought the gun back up to his temple and pulled the trigger. Brian screamed.

Standing at the gravesite tears flowed heavily He could remember the words that Justin said before he took his last breath "Don't cry for me-when I'm gone" Brian knew he had heard those words before but couldn't place it. Brian watched as they lowered the casket in to the newly dug ground as music played in the background. Justin left specific instructions in his suicide letter to his Mom that he wanted this song played when they were burying him. His Mom made sure that at least she could give him what he wanted in the end. Wishing that she could have when he was alive. Brian knew Jennifer was feeling just as bad as he was. Guilt that ran so deep down making the heart ache. It was their entire fault. Why didn't they fight harder for him? He tried to fight the tears. Looking up toward the sky he broke down as his knees dropped to the ground burying his fist deep in to the soil. Screaming as loud as his lungs would allow. He didn't care that everyone there was watching. He had lost the only one that mattered in his life. He cried as the words to the song brought him thoughts of Justin and the night that he put the gun to his head and killed himself... Those words haunted him. 

Ships of Heaven-Don't cry for me-when I'm gone-keep the faith-and be strong-cause through it all-I've been blessed-I've face my fears-now I passed the test-when you look up in the sky  
on a sunny day-imagine me drifting away-I'll be sailing on the ships of heaven  
when the tide rolls out for the last time you'll find me sailing on the ships of heaven wait for the day-to come sailing back to you-Remember all-the times we had-some were great-some were sad-but you know-that in the end-our love was stronger-when we began-no unforgiven sins and no regrets-just the times of our lives-That we'll never forget-I'll be sailing on the ships of heaven  
when the tide rolls out for the last time you'll find me sailing on the ships of heaven wait for the day-I come sailing back to you-I'll be sailing on the ships of heaven-when the tide rolls out for the last time you'll find me sailing on the ships of heaven wait for the day-I come sailing back to you-When the tides roll out for the last time you'll find me sailing on the ships of heaven wait for the day-I come sailing back to you-````BlackHawk```` 

As the song continued to play over and over Michael walked over with tears in his eyes. He cried out. "Brian!" Brian didn't want company especially Michael but the man insisted. He looked to his best friend and spoke. "Justin left this letter for you" Brian looked up with swollen eyes and took it. He opened the envelope and began to read. 

Dear Brian:  
I'm so sorry that I couldn't be what every one needed me to be. I couldn't fight any longer. I really tried. I loved you so much that my heart ached for you when I made this decision. Nothing you did made me think of ending my life. It was you who prolonged it. If it weren’t for you I would have let my life end a long time ago. It took me a long time to come to this and I want you to continue to live your life and be happy. Brian continued to read as he screamed Justin’s name. 

Brian broke down and crawled closer to Justin. His last image of what would happen if Justin followed through was too much for him. He looked to the boy and spoke."If you’re going to kill yourself then you're not leaving me here alone! I can't live without you. I love you more than anything in this world." Justin looked at the gun then to Brian. 

Brian remained on his knees but scooted next to the distraught man and pulled him close. Brian spoke. "Do it" He was dead serious. He refused to be left alone. Justin didn't want to kill Brian he wanted to kill himself. Justin released the trigger and relaxed his hand. He put his head on Brian's shoulder and began to cry. He could never hurt Brian intentionally. He loved him so much. Brian gently took the gun away and emptied the chamber. His heart was pounding as the Bullets fell out hitting the floor hard. Brian threw them across the room. He pulled Justin into a strong hold and whispered the same words he had in the diner. "I can kiss the pain away" Justin looked up and for the first time he felt Brian truly loved him. He trembled as Brian held him in his warm embrace. Closing his eyes, he knew things were going to change in the end. Exhausted he fell asleep holding Brian and feeling sure of himself that he made the right decision to live. Brian made him see it. Tomorrow would be a better day...... 

Brian gently picked Justin up and carried him to the bed. It was almost morning. He was exhausted but weary of falling asleep. Brian picked up the gun and scattered bullets and took them to the kitchen. Laying them on the counter, he had so many questions that were overflowing his mind. He quietly let Justin sleep and picked up the phone and spoke.  
"Hey-My place now!" 

Hanging up the phone he hesitated. He knew that everyone probably was on their way over because he'd refused to answer the phone last night but he didn't want them to come over and if they did he wouldn't let them in. He dialed the number and immediately Lindsey answered.   
"Brian?" Barely above a whisper. Brian let his tears fall as he spoke. " Linds-Listen I need you to call everyone and tell them that Justin is okay, for now" Brian wanted to repeat the words over and over until he believed it himself. 

"Thank God!" Lindsey screamed with relief. Brian was searching for the words to reply to her outburst. He quietly replied "I will call you when I know more" someone was knocking at the door. Lindsey let out a relieved sigh and then spoke."Ok Brian-please tell Justin I will see him later and that I love him and that Gus loves him too" With that they both hung up. Brian went to the door and let the man in. The man was tall and weighed about 280 but spoke very demure. "Hey-what do you need" was his only reply. Brian picked up the gun off the counter and handed it to him and spoke. "Track down the owner and when you got all of the information I need-call me then dispose of it-no questions!" The guy understood completely and walked out the door leaving Brian feeling empty inside. He turned to see if Justin was still sleeping. He was. Feeling the need to be with him, he slowly walked to the bed and lay beside the young man. 

Brian slid his arm under the teen and pulled him closer. The scent of Justin filled his lungs as his lips brushed against his forehead. He felt so much love for the boy that he couldn't lose him. He wouldn't! His thoughts were clouded as his body succumbed to sleep. He was sleeping restlessly fighting the nightmares that seemed to never leave. 

Justin woke up startled as he heard his name being called out. He looked over and saw Brian crying in his sleep. Justin gently took his hand and ran it over Brian's cheek. He leaned in and kissed the tears away. Brian opened his eyes and took the boy in to his arms and whispered "I'm never letting you go. Do you understand? I won't!" Justin molded himself in to Brian's side and held him tight that the air between them was scarce. Neither of them cared. Justin was the first one to break the silence. "Brian, why did you come home last night?" Brian was glad that he brought up the subject. He let his heart do the talking instead of his usual I don't give a shit facade. "When I heard Lindsey read your letter my heart shattered in a million pieces. The only thing that ran through my mind was getting to you as fast as I could. I was scared that I might not find you and not be able to tell you the way I really feel. I've tried to show you but I guess sometimes we need to hear the words. I love you"

Justin didn't say anything more. Brian knew that this would be difficult. Nothing was simple and easy with Justin but for the first time he wouldn't push Justin for answers. He already had his guard dog on the loose sniffing around for clues. He smiled at Justin and made a rude but honest comment. "You smell-its time for a shower" Justin smiled slightly and climbed out of bed. Justin knew that Brian wasn't giving up on finding out what haunted his thoughts but he also knew that if Brian gave him time that he too would answer some ... maybe. 

Justin got in to the shower and let the hot water run over his aching bruises. He closed his eyes and thought about what Brian had said earlier. He really did love him and it felt good to hear the words. Brian stood in the kitchen calling Emmett. He knew that Emmett had said something but just hadn't the time to pull him aside. He was going to meet in the diner but when Lindsey called his thoughts were on Justin and only Justin. The phone rang a few times before it was answered.   
"Emmett?" Brian continued "We need to talk" Emmett knew exactly what he meant and replied "When?" Brian looked over to see if Justin was still in the bathroom and then spoke. "Meet me here in about an hour" Brian would have to distract Justin while Emmett was here. He didn't want the boy to feel overwhelmed. Emmett agreed. With that they both hung up. Justin had stepped out of the shower when he heard Brian on the phone. He knew someone was coming over but wasn't sure who. He was a little worried that the whole family might bombard him with questions that he couldn't answer. He took in a deep breath reassuring himself that Brian wouldn't let that happen. Justin wrapped the towel around and walked to the mirror and took a real look at himself.

For most part he wasn't sure of himself. He knew that he was depressed but how far would he have gone? If Brian hadn't showed up would he have pulled the trigger? His mind was full of questions. Tears had begun to fall realizing that he needed help. He couldn't do this by himself. This wasn't going to be easy and it scared him. Walking out of the bathroom, he looked straight in to Brian's eyes. Reading those beautiful ocean eyes he ran to him and pulled him close. Not saying a word Brian held him until he stopped crying. Justin shivered as the warm water-cooled in the air. He was soaking wet. Brian walked over with him and grabbed another towel. Not releasing his hold he dried him off and helped him get some clothes on. Shaking and scared Justin pulled Brian closer. If that physically was possible. He whispered "I can't do this anymore" Brian's heart sank as he whispered. "What? Baby" trying not to sound desperate. Justin whimpered. "I can't do this alone-I need you Brian to help me" Justin let out a sigh waiting for Brian to respond. He touched Justin's lips and pressed his finger to shush him. He whispered. "I am here for you baby and were going to get through this. But you have to promise me something" Brian waited until he knew that he had the blonde's full attention then continued. "I don't want you to keep anymore secrets from me" Justin nodded his head and let the tears fall as Brian again whispered those same words he had before. 

"I can kiss away the pain." Brian kissed each tear that fell on to his bruised face. Looking at the boy-his heart did flip-flops and somersaults and he couldn't deny that he had fallen in love. He brushed Justin’s hair out of his face and leaned in whispering “I love you” 

Justin exhausted laid down on the bed and waited for sleep to overcome him. His eyes closed, he was asleep in a matter of minutes. Brian heard Emmett at the door and went to let him in. Before Emmett even was able to get settled inside, Brian started to question him. "What do you know?" Emmett told him what had happened at the diner and that Michael caused the fingerprints. He was also aware that Michael had followed him and sat down at the bench and said those horrible things to Justin. Emmett didn't leave anything out. He could tell Brian was pissed. "What did you do to stop it?" Brian questioned. Emmett looked upset and began to cry as he forced his words. "What could we do Brian? Tell Michael to leave him alone? He doesn't listen to anyone except you" Brian knew that Michael would have told him to fuck off. Brian shook his head in disbelief and spoke. "You should have come to me and said something!" Emmett looked around the loft then spoke again "I know. I felt bad after I had gotten the letter. I knew it was partially my fault and if I could take it back I would" Emmett began to sob even more than before.

Brian knew that this was rough on everyone. He put his arm around the flamboyant man and spoke. "It’s ok. We all should have seen it" Emmett watch Brian's movements. They were erratic. He could tell he was worried about the kid. Emmett glanced toward the bed and then back to Brian and spoke. "You should talk with Justin's Mom" Brian went to the kitchen and pulled out two bottles of water handing one to Emmett. He raised an eyebrow and asked. "Why do I need to talk with Jennifer?" Emmett looked serious and lowered his voice when he spoke. "I heard Deb talking with her at the diner about his father and trying to kill him. I couldn't believe that his own father would do that" Brian wanted to speak with her but first he would take care of Mikey. Brian blurted out. "He's a bastard what did you expect?" Of course Brian hadn't expected it either. If Justin's father had tried to kill him this was a new low for daddy dearest. 

Craig Taylor would pay dearly. Emmett stayed a little while longer gathering details on how Justin was doing. Brian walked Emmett to the door. Emmett-pausing for a moment and then whispered "Brian, When can I see him. I know he's right there but I need to talk with him and know he's going to be ok." Brian knew that it wasn't going to be long before everyone wanted to see him. He knew he couldn't barricade him inside even though he had thought about it a couple of times. Brian didn't want to traumatize the man anymore than he had been. He spoke. "I'll ask him tonight to see when is best. But if I think he's not ready then you all will have to wait, understand?" With that Emmett walked out the door heading to find the gang. 

Brian sat down as his thoughts surrounded Michael. How could he say those horrible things and to bring up Chris Hobbes. Michael had become a prick. Even thinking about the words pissed him off. He knew if he went there right now he would do something he'd regret. Plus he didn't want to leave Justin alone until he knew what state of mind the boy was in. He would go see Michael tomorrow. 

Even though it was late in the afternoon Brian felt, as he hadn't slept in months. He walked to the door and made sure it was locked and headed to bed. Climbing in, he wrapped his arms around Justin's smaller frame pulling him close. He would never be able to live without him. He listen to his breathing for a while then fell asleep. 

Emmett went to the diner and saw Michael sitting in the booth alone. He looked surprised to see him and spoke "what are you doing here?" Michael looked up and smiled and then replied. "I wanted to meet up with you all early so we can go hang out at Woody's then head over to Babylon. I've tried calling Brian but his cell phone has been off all day. Have you heard from him at all?" Emmett must have looked confused because Michael seemed to grow annoyed and began to whine. "What? Aren't you going? I know Brian better meet up with me. He promised that we would hang out more. I took off from work tonight to spend it with him. He knows I can't afford to do that all the time." Michael picked up his cell phone and tried to dial Brian's again. No answer. Michael looked back to Emmett who had this look of disgust on his face. The man shrugged his shoulders and asked. "What's going on? Emmett"

Emmett looked to see if there was any honesty in his questioning. How dare Michael whine about nothing when poor Justin was at home falling to pieces? Emmett spoke. "No one is going anywhere. Not since what happened last night" Michael looked even more annoyed and spoke. "What happened last night?" Emmett wasn't sure he should even tell him. He was one of the reasons that pushed Justin over the edge. To top it off Michael didn't seem to care about anyone else other than himself and what he wanted. Emmett held up his hands in the air and voiced his opinion. "First you need to talk with Brian and second Michael you need to get a life and leave Justin alone. Brian's never going to love you like he does Justin. Can't you see that?"

Michael looked over to his mom who just walked in. His thoughts ran wild. How dare Emmett accuse him of bothering Justin? Michael looked back to Emmett and spoke harsh. "I know what Brian needs and you have no right to tell me that he doesn't love me. I'm his fucking best friend." Emmett turned ignoring the whining and motioned for Deb to take a seat. She came there to meet up with the gang. She hurried and sat down and looked to her son and spoke. "Oh baby I love you so much. I just want you to know that" Deb let the tears fall against her cheeks and swore out loud. Emmett took a seat next to her and wrapped his arms around her trying to comfort the woman. Michael looked to the odd pair and spoke. "What the fuck is going on?" He began to panic thinking something bad happened to Brian. He jumped out of his seat and spoke. "I'm going over there now" 

Emmett just ignored him not knowing what else to say. Deb waved her hand and spoke. "Mikey, were all meeting here. There's no need for you to go there and bother Justin." Michael shook his head and spoke. "I have to go Ma. Brian needs me, I can feel it" without waiting for anyone to reply Michael ran out of the diner and headed to the loft. 

Brian's Loft   
Michael got up to the door and searched for his key but was unable to find it. He had no other option but to knock. Thankfully he didn't even have to be buzzed in. The door had been propped open. Justin woke up as he heard the loud banging and went to the door unaware that trouble was on the other side. Glancing over to the bed he knew Brian was tired and didn't want to disturb him. The other man never moved even though the knocking had become louder and more aggressive. He pulled the door open and saw Michael standing there pissed. 

Justin backed away not knowing why he was there. He didn't have enough strength to deal with the overdramatic best friend at that moment. Michael clenched his teeth as he spoke. "Where is Brian!" Justin pointed to the bed hoping that he wouldn't over react and cause Brian more of a headache. Justin slid the door closed and listened to Michael rant. His voice was irritated and that worried him. "What did you need Michael?" Justin forced the words. Michael approached the blond; angry that he was the cause of Brian's cancellation for tonight. He knew he had to be the reason. He's always the reason! Pushing Justin down, he bent down and spoke. "I want nothing from you except maybe for you to leave" Justin hit the floor hard and let out a soft cry. He hadn't expected Michael to hit him especially with Brian in the loft.

Brian heard the noise and woke up to see Michael standing there alone with his trembling lover on the floor. He was pissed. He stood up and charged at Michael and yelled. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Tell me why the hell are you here?" Michael was quiet at first but couldn't hold back his words. "You were supposed to meet me at the diner and then go out and spend time together. Just us. Not Justin! Not anyone else! But of course I should have known that you didn't have time for your best friend!" 

Brian watched Justin closely. Not really listening to Michael's whining. Brian hissed "I know what you did Michael. At the diner, after I left to go back to work. I know all about your little conversation you had with Justin and the bruises you left. I swear right now I'm so close to ending your life" Michael looked over at Justin ignoring Brian's threat and yelled. "You little shit! You told him" Michael moved toward Justin but quickly was pushed back by Brian. The ad exec spoke in a low agitated tone. "Don't even try to hurt him again. Justin didn't know that I knew, but that doesn't matter because there is no fucking excuse for what you did! I don't care to hear anymore of your mouth. Get the fuck out now!" 

Justin watched nervously as the tears had begun to run down his cheeks. He wiped them away and stood up and hobbled over to the couch. He didn't want to be the cause of their fighting. He only wanted to be accepted. His hands were shaking. He shoved them in to his pockets hoping that Brian hadn't noticed. He noticed. Brian grabbed Michael's collar and began to drag the smaller man out of his home. Michael planted his feet firmly and began to scream. "What the hell is going on here? Brian listen to me. I'm your best friend. I'm sorry." Brian had enough and pulled the man over his shoulders. He slid open the door and threw Michael out. Justin curled up on the couch and let out a long sigh. He was glad that was over. Michael sat on the floor outside the loft crying. He knew Brian was upset but never seen his best friend so overly protective with Justin. He gently stood up and began to pound at the door again. Something was definitely up and he demanded to know. He began to plead his case through the door. "Brian, please. I need to talk to you. Call me" Michael stood at the door a few more minutes before he realized that no one would answer. He walked to the elevator letting his tears escape once again.

Justin let out a nervous laugh when he was gone. Brian moved closer to the artist and whispered. "Baby, Are you ok?" Brian took him in a tender hold as he cried. Through his sobs Justin spoke. "I'm sorry Brian-I didn't want you and Michael fighting. It's all my fault. If I weren’t around Michael wouldn't be so crazy" Brian tightened his hold on the teen and spoke.  
"It’s not your fault-besides I want you around and that's all that matters. Michael is just being a selfish ass right now-He'll get over it." Brian continued to hold him as his thoughts jumped back and forth. Could he forgive Michael for what he did? Brian kissed his lover passionately and whispered. "Are you hungry?" He knew the boy had to be famished. Neither one had a descent meal. Justin let out a smile trying to forget about Michael and replied. "I'm starved" 

Brian ordered out. After he got off the phone he stated. "It should be here in about 45 minutes." Brian joined him back on the couch and waited. Justin could see the wheels turning in Brian's head and spoke. "Bri?-Do you think that I will ever be good enough for my dad?"   
Brian wished he would just forget about his father. But he knew that his family was a big part of who he was. He gazed in to those baby blues and spoke. "Justin-your father has no clue who you really are. You are a sensitive caring young man that loves so easily and deserves the world" Brian had tears as he took his hand and finished speaking. "Can't you see that Justin that you are worth so much more to me. Fuck your dad! Fuck Michael and Fuck the world. No one else matters" Justin waited for so long for Brian to speak those words of love. Brian wrapped his arms around the boy and spoke. "No matter what happens Justin I'm not leaving you behind" Justin leaned in and kissed Brian's lips wanting this moment to last forever. 

[Loud banging] Justin broke the kiss and looked at the door. He swatted Brian and leaned in to talk. "Food must be here" Brian got up and opened the door. There stood the man that had been there earlier. Brian glanced over to Justin and then back to the man. He knew he couldn't let the guy stand out in the hall so he invited him in. Holding a manila envelope he glanced to Justin and passed it to Brian. The guy spoke once again but almost in a whisper not wanting the teen to hear. "You're not going to believe what I've found out."

Justin looked over to the man and wanted to know what was in the envelope. He knew it had to be important just by the way Brian was acting. As he got ready to ask what was in the envelope another knock came from the door. Justin reluctantly hobbled over and opened the door. There stood his Mom and Deb looking desperate just to touch him. He backed away not wanting any contact. Behind them stood the deliveryman with the food. He wasn't hungry anymore. Brian excused himself and walked up to the two ladies and spoke. "What are we doing? I don't think it's a good time right now." Deb smiled and took the food from the man and pushed her way in ignoring Brian's remarks. Jennifer followed and listened to Deb talking. "Hello Sunshine" Justin knew that nothing he said would make them go away. He looked to Brian who was busy with the deliveryman and with the stranger who said nothing. He had his hands full. Justin turned to the women and spoke. "Hello Deb" Jennifer wanted so bad to take him and hold him in her arms and promise that his father would never hurt him again. That she would be there for him from now on but how could she say it. Jennifer followed Deb as on cue and spoke. "Don't I get a hello?" Jennifer looked at Justin and waited. He really wasn't paying attention to his guest. He wanted to know what Brian was up to. The man whispered in to Brian's ear. Brian nodded and approached Justin and spoke. "Baby I'm going to be outside for a moment, are you ok? I can throw them out!" Justin thought back on how he threw out Michael and shook his head no. He watched as the stranger and Brian disappeared outside.

Jennifer asked. "Justin-are you ok?" Realizing that his Mom was talking to him he looked in her eyes. She could see the pain that he tried to hide. He quietly replied. "Mom I'm ok" Jennifer walked over to him and took her son in to her arms and held him tight. Justin tried to back away but Jennifer would not let him go. She whispered in his ear. "Justin you are my son and I love you. I know you are hurting inside and I want to help you. I failed as your mother. Please give me a second chance" Justin fought the urge to cry. He pulled away from her grip and spoke. "Mom, If you want to help me leave me alone. Please. Let me figure out what I'm going to do" Jennifer pulled out a tissue from her purse as he went to the door and opened it. Brian and the stranger were gone. Justin turned around to Deb and his Mom and spoke as if everything was fine. "I'll be right back. I just want to go and get my backpack in Brian's jeep" He had to get out of there. At least until Brian came back. Deb tried not showing worry on her face but she was scared for him. Deb tugged at Jennifer's shirt and motioned for her to sit. She followed but turned to Justin and whispered. "Justin we'll be here waiting for you-we love you" 

Justin closed the door and ran down the stairs. He took off running out of the door. His mind was filling with thoughts as he felt the need to run away. Fast. He ran a few miles as the sweat and tears rolled down his cheek. As the sky grew darker he continued to run. He needed to run. Run away from the nightmares that plagued him night and day. His life was one big nightmare. The only bright side was Brian. Justin looked around. He hadn't realized that he had run so far from home. The sky was black as a storm was building. He had better start to head home. He walked by the same pond that he had written his letters and decided to sit for a few moments. Justin thought about how Brian loved him. He softly whispered to himself. "What the fuck is wrong with me?" He stood up as the rain began to fall heavily as his thoughts continued. He slowly walked home hoping that his Mom and Deb were gone. As he reached within a few feet of the loft he noticed the same very man that was in the loft earlier was standing in front of the building smoking. 

He watched very cautiously. But didn't move to go inside. Justin's thoughts, "Who is this guy?" With that thought he disappeared. Brian entered the loft staring at a frantic Jennifer and a crying Deb. He questioned them. "What's wrong? Where is Justin?" Brian looked around hoping that he was there. Maybe in the bathroom or in bed asleep. He ran his fingers through his hair and cursed. 

"He said he was going to get his backpack out of your jeep but that was over an hour and a half-ago" Jennifer cried out. 

Brian looked scared. He knew Justin was still close to death and leaving him for such a long period was a misjudgment on his part. He looked over at the women. His voice trembled with fear. "If he comes back before I do don't let him leave." Brian cringed as he said the words "IF he comes back" Jennifer nodded her head as she watch Brian run out of the loft. His mind was playing a thousand scenarios of what Justin was doing. It scared the shit out of him. He got to the door and saw Justin sitting on the ground in the pouring rain shaking. Relieved he went to his lover. Justin glanced up as the water hit his eyelids causing him to blink a few times. He didn't want Brian to see the tears that were falling. He silently thank God it was raining. Brian sat down next to the boy and spoke. "Justin, Why are you out here in the rain?" Justin's voice quivered "I can't go in there." Justin really couldn't. His Mom and Deb wanted him to be better all of a sudden and he couldn't be what they so badly needed. Again he failed. Brian wasn't understanding fully and asked."Do you want for us to be alone?" Yes, that's what Justin wanted. He needed it more tonight than most. Just the two of them. Justin looked in to his eyes saying everything without speaking. Brian stood up and pulled him to his feet. Lets get you out of this cold rain and in to some dry clothes. As they walked in the door Jennifer and Deb ran to him. 

Brian put up his hand and motioned them back. They stepped back and sat back on the couch. They knew Brian was the only one that could get through to him and if he couldn't God help them all. Justin didn't even acknowledge them. He trembled as the cool air surrounded him. Brian led him to the bed and helped him out of his wet clothes. Watching his young lover lay there he wanted so bad to hold him and tell him things aren't as bad as they seemed but he knew different. Tonight he knew more than he ever wanted to know. The secrets that his family kept. He would confront Jennifer and Craig Taylor. He walked out and headed for the kitchen. He grabbed some juice and prescription pills and went back to Justin. Jennifer barely spoke a word as she watched Brian care for her son. Her thoughts engulfed her as she felt remorse. How could she have hated him so much? Deb watched Jennifer for signs of an emotional break down. She knew that Justin wasn't the only one fighting demons. She placed her hand on her shoulder and tried to console her. "Jennifer- honey, Sunshine will be fine" Jennifer gave a half-forced smile and looked at her son sleeping peacefully. She only could hope so. Brian walked out and confronted Jennifer. 

He exploded. "What the fuck are you and Craig trying to do to Justin?" Deb looked shocked and tried to ream his ass for his out burst. "Brian Kinney that is no way to talk"   
Brian ignoring her handed Jennifer the envelope and waited. Jennifer opened the envelope and pulled out the pictures and documents. She was silent as she let the tears fall. She looked over to Brian and begged. "Please don't confront Justin about this, it’s in the past." Jennifer couldn't even look Brian in the eyes as she continued to speak. "Craig and I rather just leave it be. It was a mistake. Craig didn't mean it" 

Brian was growing more agitated and gritted his teeth. He copied her last reply. "A Mistake?-is that what your calling it?" Brian moved closer to her and whispered. "He's hurting! Jennifer-and you know Craig is the reason. Of course you have some blame in there too"   
Jennifer knew that but what could she do. No one knew what happened and what possessed Craig to do it. She knew that standing there in front of Brian wasn't going to get anything accomplished. She clutched her purse and left without saying good-bye. Her thoughts drifted back on that night. It wasn't supposed to end the way it did. She sat in her car crying. She had let Craig hurt their son then and still continued to let him hurt him now. Nothing had changed. Even when he promised he would never do it again she knew that he was so unpredictable. 

Brian stood there quietly as Deb gathered up her things. She kissed him on the cheek and pulled him close and apologized. "Brian I'm sorry I came here tonight. I should have known that Justin wasn't ready to deal with us. I know things seem bad now but we'll get through this" She stepped out of the loft and headed home wondering what Craig had done to their sunshine. 

Brian had let Jennifer take the envelope. He didn't need it. He had another copy. He would confront Craig tomorrow. He knew Jennifer would take it to him and show him that his dirty little secret was out. Brian went to the bed and lay down next to his sunshine. He listened to him breathe and took the boy scent in with each breath. He would have to protect Justin from his dad now that he knows what he is capable of. His mind drifted off as he fell in to a deep sleep. 

Meanwhile at the Taylors   
Jennifer pulled up in front of the house. She knew that Craig would be home waiting for her wondering where she had been. She didn't care. She wiped the tears that still lay wet on her cheek and walked inside. Craig turned down the TV and spoke. "Where have you been?" Jennifer could tell he was drunk. Again. She replied. "I went to visit Justin" There was no easy way to tell Craig so she spit it out. "Craig-Brian knows" Craig looked up from his beer as she handed him the envelope. He opened it and pulled out the pictures and swore. "Son of a bitch-where the hell did he get these?" He stood up and threw the beer bottle against the wall shattering in tiny splinters of glass. Jennifer panicked and yelled. "Craig what are we going to do?-Justin will never forgive you for what you did" Craig smiled then replied. "You didn't try to stop him from hurting Justin did you-so the way I see it we better get Justin away from Brian before he tells him" 

Jennifer knew that they were headed for trouble. She shook her head and spoke. "I don't want any part of this Craig- I've put up enough with your bullshit-Molly and me are leaving!" Jennifer walked to her bedroom leaving Craig furious. She had to get to Justin before Craig did. There was no telling what he was going to do to him now. Picking up the phone she dialed Brian. After a few rings she realized no one was going to pick up. She set the receiver down and decided she would call Brian in the morning and warn him. She closed her eyes praying that nothing would happen to her son. 

Morning   
Justin had gotten up early and felt like cooking a big breakfast. He hadn't eaten a lot the last few days and he needed to make up for it. Justin was banging pots around and making a lot of noise. Brian couldn't help but wake up. He smiled even though usually he would be pissed that Justin had woke him up early but today he wasn't. He was just glad that he was a little more relaxed. Brian slowly pulled himself out of bed and walked to Justin. Grabbing the teen's side and pulling him close he whispered in his ear. "Good Morning Sunshine" Justin giggled as Brian's breath tickled his neck. Justin turned his whole body in to Brian's not wanting to separate. Brian slowly moved his hand up his thigh and suddenly grabbed his ass and laughed out his words. "Your biscuits are burning" Justin forgot that he had put them in the oven. Quickly he turned around and took them out. He couldn't help but laugh too. Brian took Justin's hands and pulled him closer. They both were face to face. Their breathing became erratic as they touched. Justin felt so whole when he was attached to Brian. He had no worries no fears-he felt loved. He looked in to Brian's eyes and smiled. As their lips met Justin whispered."I love you Brian" Brian smiled not wanting to hold his feelings in any longer. He paused for a moment before speaking... "Justin I love you too. From the first day I met you I knew you were different. I never forgot your name." Brian knew that he needed to tell him what he knew. He couldn't figure out how to tell him without hurting him. Brian nuzzled the boy closer. He spoke with warm intentions. "Justin I made an appointment for us this afternoon" Justin's facial expressions changed and he spoke. "For what?" 

Brian needed someone who was more prepared to deal with the emotions that they were going to deal with. They needed a professional. Brian spoke. "Were going to go see a counselor-you and me." Justin knew that he needed help dealing with his problems but he thought Brian was going to be the only one helping him. He knew Brian hated head doctors. Brian looked to see if he could read any disappointment in his face, there was none. 

Justin nodded his head as he spoke."ok Brian; as long as you go with me" Brian felt relieved and whispered. "Every step of the way baby-I'll be here for you" they both embraced and began a deep passionate kiss when the phone rang. Brian pulled away as he heard Justin moan in protest. He smiled as he forced himself to pay attention to the caller. "Hello" Brian glanced over at Justin dancing. He was so Goddamn sexy that he almost hung up the phone. He heard Jennifer crying and immediately he was alert. He spoke cautiously. "Jennifer?" Jennifer couldn't help but feel safe when she heard Brian's voice. She could understand why Justin always clung to Brian's side. She cried out. "Brian Please keep Justin safe. Craig is going to try and hurt him again" She began to hyperventilate. Brian looked over at Justin again. He was fidgeting. He knew that his Mom doesn't call regularly and he could see the concern in his eyes. Brian put out his arm motioning the boy to come over. Justin moved quickly in to Brian's arm and let the secure feeling take over. Brian regained some control over his voice and spoke. "Jennifer I want you to talk to Justin and tell him the truth" She pleaded with him. "I can’t do that over the phone!" Brian put his tongue in his cheek. He responded. "Meet me at Dr. Camptens office today at 3pm sharp" Justin was listening to every word trying to hear both sides. He also wondered what Brian knew that upset his mom so easily. Jennifer spoke. Brian isn't he a marriage counselor?"

Brian smirked knowing that she would try to read more in to his title. He replied.  
"Yea but he also studied in family issues and he's good. I picked him because he's young and knowledgeable and I know he can be trusted" Jennifer hated to be the one to tell Justin the truth but at least on her terms Craig couldn't make it out to be all her fault. She agreed. "ok Brian I will meet you there. Give Justin hugs and kisses" Brian looked down at the sexy blond and replied. "Oh I will make sure he gets a double dose Jennifer-you can count on that." 

Jennifer knew that he was obviously referring to a sexual encounter with her son, she rolled her eyes and hung up. Brian put the phone down and took Justin in to his arms. He turned on some music and wanted to enjoy the time he could hold Justin. No interruptions. They slow danced as Brian sang to him. Brian rarely showed so much emotion and Justin devoured it. He leaned his head on to Brian's chest and sighed. He loved listening to Brian heartbeat. Feeling loved he closed his eyes and moved to the words that Brian sang. 

I Don't Know Much-Look at this face-I know the years are showing-Look at this life  
I still don't know where its going-I don't know much-but I know I love you [Whispering Justin's name] And that may be-all I need to know-Look at these eyes-they never see what mattered  
Look at these dreams-so beaten and so bitter-I don't know much-but I know I love you  
and that may be-all I need to know-so many questions-still left unanswered-so much I've never broken through-and when I feel you near me-sometimes I see so clearly-the only truth I've ever known-its me and you-look at this man-so blessed with inspiration [Brian pointing to Justin] look at this soul-still searching for salvation [Brian pointing to himself with a devilish smile]  
I don't know much-but I know I love you-and that may be-all I need to know-I don't know much-but I know I love you-and that may be-all I need to know-I don't know much  
but I know I love you-and that may all there is to know-~~Aaron Nevel and Linda Ronstadt~~ 

Justin could feel the tears build as he wished this very moment could last forever. He raised his head and kissed him. A loving tender kiss that seemed so innocent. Brian picked him up in his arms and carried him to the bed kissing his soft wet lips. He felt the fire grow in his embrace. Justin was lost in his touch. Brian slowly kissed his neck as he ran his finger tips across his inner thigh. Chills ran through his body. Justin moaned. Brian continued to kiss moving down taking his time. Brian couldn't help but think that this might be the last time that they share a moment like this for a while. The dr will push Justin for answers that Brian won't-knowing that Justin will be an emotional wreck once he realizes what Brian found out about his parents. Brian sighed. He looked up and immediately sought for eye contact with him. Those beautiful blue eyes could take his breath away. Justin looked in to Brian's eyes lovingly. He smiled that sunshine smile that Brian adored. Pulling him in to a strong embrace, Brian broke his silence. "Justin before we go to see the dr I want you to know.." Brian stopped talking. Justin had put his finger to his lips and whispered. "Brian I have been searching for words to express myself and I wrote this down for you-I've been waiting for the right time to read to you-I want to now" Brian waited as he got up and went to get the letter. He returned shortly and sat on the bed naked with a hard on that waved in the air wanting Brian's attention. It would have to wait a few more minutes. 

Breathe-I can feel the magic floating in the air being with you gets me that way.-I watch the sunlight dance across your face and I've never been this swept away-All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze when I'm lying wrapped up in your arms. the whole world just fades away-the only thing I hear-is the beating of your heart-cause I can feel you breathe-its washing over me-and suddenly I'm melting into you.-there's nothing left to prove-baby all we need is just to be.-caught up in the touch-the slow and steady rush.-baby, isn't that the way that loves supposed to be I can feel you breathe. just breathe.-In a way I know my heart is waking up  
as all the walls come tumbling down-closer than I've ever felt before-and I know and you know  
there's no need for words right now-cause I can feel you breathe-its washing over me-and suddenly I'm melting into you-there's nothing left to prove-baby all we need is just to be-caught up in the touch-the slow and steady rush-and baby isn't that the way-that loves supposed to be  
I can feel you breathe just breathe.-caught up in the touch-the slow and steady rush-baby, isn't that the way-that loves supposed to be-I can feel you breathe. just breathe.-I can feel the magic floating in the air being with you gets me that way...***Faith Hill*** 

Justin finished reading the words and looked up from the paper. Brian had this look on his face that was hard to read. Brian couldn't speak. He knew if he did his walls would crumble. He had to be strong. Instead he pulled the teen in and embraced him. Justin smiled knowing that words were unnecessary. He looked down at his hard throbbing cock and demanded Brian to fix it. Brian smiled. Turning Justin on his side he spanked him on his ass he spoke. "Don’t tell me what to do!" Laughing Justin replied. "Kiss my ass" 

Brian smiled back and replied. "Oh I see we want to play with the big boys" Brian caressed his cheek and slid down and kissed his ass. Justin couldn't help but find Brian's antics sexy. Justin pleaded. "Brian please. I need you inside me" Brian knew that he was serious. Justin needed his touch more than his words and felt safer when he was close. Brian relented. Justin quickly grabbed the condom off the nightstand and slid it on Brian. They both had been close even before they actually had intercourse. It didn't take much stimulation. Each stroke or kiss felt like fire that burned hot. Brian lay on top breathing heavily not wanting to move from his sacred spot. Justin felt the same way. Brian eventually rolled off as he heard Justin sigh in protest. Brian spoke. "We got 20 minutes before we have to go to the doctor-so get up and shower-we don't need to go in there smelling up the joint" Brian smiled. Justin followed Brian in to the shower. They both quickly washed and got out. After they gotten dressed they headed out. Locking the door Brian glanced over at Justin. He looked so innocent and didn't deserve such troubles that followed him. Brian wanted to run back in to the loft pulling Justin back from the world-his parents and anyone else that wanted to take him away. He walked away from the door grabbing Justin's hand as they entered the elevator. Justin was quiet on the ride over. He didn't want to tell Brian that he was scared. His feelings of suicide had passed but the aching in his heart wouldn't. He felt still so empty. Brian could only fill some parts. The rest of it was left void. His parents-his family was a big part of who he was. They hated him especially his father and that hurt. He needed to feel accepted from his family and no matter how many times Brian told him not to let them get to him-he always did. He let out a long sigh as they pulled in to the parking lot. He noticed that his Mom had already found a parking spot and was standing out by her door. Brian pulled a long side of her and put the jeep in park. Brian looked over and squeezed his shoulder and tried to comfort the boy. "It's going to be okay-I'll be with you at all times." Justin smiled weakly. He felt like throwing up. Brian got out of the jeep first and walked to Justin's side who hadn't got out of the jeep yet. Brian walked to Jennifer and spoke harsh. 

"Jennifer-your son needs you more than you think-he needs to feel accepted by you-Be a good mother and give him what he needs" Brian stepped away heading over to the jeep. Brian called for the boy. "Justin? [Opening the door] Give me your hand" Justin gave Brian his hand and slid out of the jeep. He was terrified of what his Mom was going to say. What was the doctor going to say? He didn't know if he could handle it. Brian read his expression and pulled the boy in to his arms embracing him and whispered. "Its going to be okay-no matter what your Mom tells you today-I'm not going anywhere" Justin could feel the tears building as he replied. "ok Bri" They all entered the office. 

Office.   
Brian signed them in and took a seat next to Justin. Jennifer had sat across from them not wanting to suffocate him more than he already felt. It wasn't long before an older woman opened the door and called out. "Justin Taylor" Justin stood up as Brian and Jennifer followed. The nurse smiled at Justin but put her hand up motioning to Brian and Jennifer and spoke.   
"I'm sorry the doctor only requested to see Justin at this time-he will see you both in a little while." Justin glanced back to Brian. He looked like a deer that just got caught in the headlights. Brian spoke up immediately. "Listen lady I promised Justin that I would be there for him and no one is going to fucking keep me away." Not waiting for her to respond he took Justin by the hand and pushed her aside entering the little room. Jennifer smiled knowing that Justin needed him in that room. She went back and sat down. They would call her when they were ready. 

Justin blinked the tears back hoping that it would be over soon. A few minutes passed. The doctor walked in and approached the men. He introduced himself and shook their hands. As he sat down he looked over at Brian and spoke. "My nurse tells me that you refused to let Justin come in here alone-Why is that Brian?" Justin interrupted. "I wanted him here" Dr. Campten looked over at Justin and questioned him. "Why?" Justin paused and then spoke. "Because no matter what happens in my life he accepts me and loves me and gives me what I need" 

Dr. Campten scratched a few notes down. Both Brian and Justin wondered what he was writing. The doctor continued. "Ok Justin I have a few questions I want you to answer-answer honestly don't waste my time and I won't waste yours- some questions will make me ask more questions-just answer them" Justin looked over at Brian for support. Brian took his hand and held it. Dr. Campten began. "First Question-Why are you here?" 

Justin knew he couldn't bullshit the man so he would just come out and say it. "I wanted to kill myself and I almost did but because of Brian I didn't"  
DR Campten looked at him for a moment before saying a word. "What did Brian do to change your decision?" Justin looked over at Brian and spoke. "I really don't know. I guess Brian just being there made me realize that I couldn't do it." 

Dr. Campten noted that in his book and then spoke again. "So Brian kept you from killing yourself-but why did you want to kill yourself in the first place?" 

Justin had so much buried that he didn't know where to start. He blurted out the first thing that hurt the worst. "My Dad is one of the reasons." Dr. Campten noticed that he wasn't letting any emotion out as he spoke. He was just talking. Dr Campten stood up and motioned for Brian to step outside the office and spoke. "Brian I can't help Justin if he won't open up-He continues to look over at you-I'm not sure if he's ready to tell you everything-even though you have told me a lot-I need to hear it from him." Brian knew he was right. Brian nodded his head and spoke. "Larry- What do you need?" Brian knew Larry from past experiences. He was a great guy and could help. The doctor replied. "I need you to go in there and tell him that you have to step out and take care of some business for a little bit but that you will be back and that he needs to stay and talk to me" Brian knew that convincing him wasn't going to be easy. Brian spoke.  
"Larry I wont lie to him but I will tell him to stay" Brian opened the door and watched Justin sink in his chair. Justin knew that Brian was leaving. Dr. Campten was making him. Justin stood up and took off toward the door. Brian grabbed him and pulled him close and whispered.   
"Justin please I need for you to stay and talk with Larry-He can help you" 

Justin wanted to cry but he wouldn't. He replied. "Why can’t you stay?" Justin already knew the answer but he was stalling. Brian kissed him and walked out the door. Dr. Campten walked back inside and sat at his desk. Justin looked over at the door hoping that Brian would come back in. The doctor spoke as he picked up his notebook. "Justin sit down please" Justin wanted to yell at him and tell him to fuck off instead he sat down. He wouldn't look at the doctor, he just continued to look at the door. Larry continued. "Justin lets talk about your father" Justin looked at him but didn't say a word so the Dr tried another approach. "I know he hurt you in many ways-why don't you tell me what happened" 

Justin sighed as he spoke. "He put a gun to my head and threatened to kill me" The doctor didn't know about the gun and his father and he guessed Brian didn't either. They continued to talk as the doctor finished his questioning. "Justin I know what you told me seemed like a lot but I want you to come back three times a week until we get you back on track-we can work through everything" Justin knew his problems seemed bad but damn three times a week-they must be worse than he thought. Then Justin remembered that Brian and his Mom knew something and he wondered if the doc knew too. Justin questioned the man. "Why do you want my Mom here?" 

The doc looked up from his notes and spoke. "She plays a big role in this Justin-she has seen what your father has done and knows what he will do and has sat back and let him do it-my questions are for her so I can understand you and where your coming from-that's all-this is not a blame game-were just here to make sure that you get well" Justin never thought of himself as sick. The nurse stepped in and spoke. "Justin your friend is out in the waiting room-Dr Campten should I call Jennifer Taylor in now?" Justin looked over the nurse's shoulder and saw his Mom. The Dr replied. "Yes, bring her in" Justin walked out the door and in to Brian's arms. He didn't want to go back especially if it was three times a week. Brian held him for a few minutes until he had calmed down. Entering the waiting room again Brian spoke. "Justin sit here for a minute I have to go pay the bill" Brian had already paid the bill but needed to know how it went. Dr. Campten left Jennifer in the office and spoke in the hall. Brian asked. "So Larry how is he?" Brian could tell that there was something. Larry checked the door to make sure it was closed and then spoke. "Justin has a lot of emotional baggage that he's carrying around-he let me in to his life for a little then closed off-I need you to coax him over the next few weeks to share any bits of info. I will need to see him three times a week for a while until we get him better" 

Brian knew that this wasn't going to be simple but he agreed. "Ok I will try" With that he went out to Justin and headed back to the loft. Justin sat in the jeep wondering what the doctor meant by what he said about his Mom knowing what his father would do next. He shook at the thought. Brian saw it and spoke. "Are you okay?" Justin was tired and didn't want to talk. He nodded yea and leaned his head on the window. His thoughts took him to this past year. He wanted to forget all the bad things in his life and remember only the good. He let out a whimper and let the tears fall against his cheeks. This doctor was supposed to make him feel better but why did he feel worse? He closed his eyes tight hoping the images of his father would go away. He felt a warm hand wipe away his tears. He opened his eyes and saw that Brian had pulled the jeep over and moved closer to him. He whispered. "Justin-things aren't going to be better in one day- talking with Larry will help-He needs you to tell him everything so he can help you-so he can help us" Justin wanted so badly to scream out the pain but it was easier to bury it deep down. He replied. "I know-I'll try harder next time" Brian couldn't stand to see him in so much pain and continued to talk. "I know your trying Justin-its going to be ok" Brian got back in to the driver side and drove toward the loft. 

The Dr thought best that Brian kept the secret until he could get Jennifer's side. This whole situation was delicate and if it's approached the wrong way Justin would suffer more than he is now. Brian didn't want him to hurt any longer so he promised he wouldn't say a word. They pulled up in front of the building. Justin just wanted to run as fast as he could. The feeling of pain overwhelmed him and nothing said could make it any better. He slowly walked to the elevator with Brian. Brian didn't know what to say-he had emotional baggage from his parents but it didn't affect him like it did Justin. He wished he could take his pain and carry it until Justin was strong enough to do it on his own. They reached the door and Brian opened it. Upon entering the loft there stood everyone swarming Justin trying to hug him and kiss on him. Brian was pissed. He yelled knowing that Michael was the only one with a key. "Michael who gave you the right to throw a party." Michael smiled and then replied. "They all wanted to see our dear beloved sunshine and I thought it would make him feel better" 

Brian grabbed Michael by the shoulders and yelled. "I told you to leave Justin alone-you don't have a fucking clue what's going on" Deb stepped in between them and spoke. "Brian! Michael just wanted to make sunshine feel better-you shouldn't..." Before Deb could finish Brian snapped. "I told you all not to come by until I told you-but you couldn't wait until Justin was strong enough to deal with all of your bullshit" Brian looked over at the guys and Deb-Thankfully Lindsey hadn't come, she knew better. Deb didn't understand why Brian was so mad. Michael told them that Justin wanted to see them. Deb yelled back. "All we wanted was to see Justin and you are acting more like his father than is boyfriend" 

Justin couldn't take it-all the fighting. [Yelling] "Brian is nothing like my father-Brian didn't take a gun to my head and make me get down on my knees and plead for my life while my mother sat in the kitchen ignoring me-Brian didn't beat me when I wouldn't change-Brian is nothing like my father!" Panicked he backed away and took out the door running scared. Silence filled the room as Brian shot all of them dirty looks. He yelled. "Get the fuck out.. Now!" Brian took off running after Justin. Justin hadn't looked back. He needed just a few minutes alone to regain his composure. He ran to the same very park that had the slide and a couple of swings. Instead of sitting in the grass he sat in the swing. He slightly smiled, as the rubber seat was a little small for his butt. He let the swing move back and forth. He picked up his feet and swung his legs hard. The swing began to pick up speed. He was soaring in the air-He felt so carefree. Swinging back and forth higher and higher until he could almost feel the clouds tickle his toes he jumped. Clumsily flying through the air Justin felt better until he saw that he was headed for the pond. He pulled his legs in and splashed in to the cold water. He let his body sink to the bottom, as the water grew darker and colder. He pushed his feet in the mud and pushed off the soft goo. He loved swimming. He went up to grab a few breaths and realized he wasn't alone. There stood his father.. Craig Taylor. 

Justin pulled himself out of the freezing water and stood in front of him-face to face. He knew his clothes were soaked and weighed him down running wouldn't be an option. He stood there silent knowing that if he kept running from his past that he would never be able to face it. Justin looked hard at his father and spoke. "Dad I can't forget the things you have done to me-and I can't keep running from you because you threaten me -beat me or even try to kill me" Justin held back the tears. Craig didn't want to talk but wanted to hurt Justin emotionally and physically. He raised his hand and hit Justin in the jaw and screamed. "Don't you get it Justin!-I hate you-Do you know why Chris Hobbes attacked you?-Because I paid him to knock some sense in you!-If it weren't for Brian my plan would have worked" Justin stepped back not wanting to comprehend his father's words. Craig raised his hand again. Justin trembled as he spoke. "How could you Dad?-I almost died" Harder than the first hit Justin fell backwards. His upper eyebrow began to bleed as his face began to swell from the blows to his head. He was shaking from the cold. His body felt like a hundred needles stinging. Craig continued to speak.  
"Your mom knew about it too!" Justin's heart sank. His family was truly fucked up. Justin stood up on his feet and tried to gain his footing. Craig picked up a broken piece of wood-it was a bat. He mockingly spoke. "Does it look familiar? It should!" 

Justin backed away not wanting to see the bat that cracked his head open just a few months before. He was in shock that his parents had set him up. Justin looked over at his father and saw the eyes of a killer. He took off running as fast as he could in the wet clothes. His body ached as he ran faster-his heart beating wildly knowing that if he didn't get a good head start from his father that he would be dead. He took all the short cuts he could remember and wound up near the diner. He saw his father coming toward him and ran inside the building. He quickly hid under one of the tables and crouched down so that he couldn't be seen. His heart was pounding he almost could swear that it could be heard miles away. Craig entered the diner walking past the table. He headed for the counter and rang the bell. One of the guys who was new worked with Justin a few weekends ago- Dawson. Dawson picked up a napkin off the floor glanced over and saw him shaking under the table. He stood up and looked at the guy and asked. "Can I help you?" Craig let out a growl. "Have you seen Justin-I know he came through here!" Dawson knew that this man was trouble. He quietly replied. "Justin ran in the back out in to the alley" Craig walked out the door and headed for the alley. Justin knew that it would buy him a few minutes but how would he get out of the diner without being seen. Justin curled up in a ball and cried. The tears were falling as he wished Brian was there. 

Dawson bent down and whispered. "Who is that guy?" Justin choked out his words. "That man is my father and he's trying to kill me- please call Brian" Dawson stood up and went to the phone and dialed Brian's cell. He knew it because Justin had given it to him awhile back. Craig opened the door and walked back in. Agitated he spoke again. "He wasn't there-do you know where he would go?" Craig was calm and by looking at him you wouldn't be able to tell he was on a hunt. Dawson shook his head no. Justin felt sick to his stomach. His head was throbbing and he wanted Brian. Dawson let the phone ring a few times just as he was getting ready to hang up a worried voice answered. "Justin?" Dawson knew that Brian would do almost anything to protect Justin. He replied in a hushed voice. "No, this is Dawson- Ummm can you come down here at the diner now?-Justin is messed up really bad and his father has a broken bat looking for him-but he's hiding." Craig watched the boy whispering in the phone and wondered who it was. Craig moved from the back of the diner and headed to Dawson. Brian almost let out a cry but forced it down. "Is he ok?" Dawson couldn't tell. He began. "Brian, His face and head are really fucked up-it looks like he got the shit beaten out of him and he's soaking wet" Brian didn't waste anytime and spoke. "I'll be there in a few minutes." Brian ran out of the loft. Driving his jeep like a wild maniac his thoughts drove him to go faster. He slammed his foot on the gas and kept the pedal all the way down. He pulled up to the diner and jumped out running to the door. 

Craig approached and spat out. "Who were you talking to?"   
Dawson didn't have to explain himself. He walked away from Craig and headed over to clean a table. Justin saw the gray tennis shoes stand in front of the table. Craig approached and spoke. "I think you know where Justin is-Are you one of his little faggot friends trying to save him from his daddy" Dawson was a small guy compared to Justin. Dawson shook his head and replied. "No-like I said I don't know where he would have gone!" 

Craig pushed him and raised the bat. Justin knew what his father was going to do. Dawson looked scared. Justin couldn't let him take the beating that was intended for him but he couldn't move. His whole body froze and couldn't help Dawson. He couldn't even help himself. Dawson looking at the door saw Brian running in. He kicked Craig hard and lost his balance. He fell to the floor next to Justin looking over and yelled. "Your dad is nuts" Craig saw him. Dawson had given away his hiding spot. His father regained his footing and picked up the bat. Justin looked over at Dawson with the look as if this was it. "Shit! Here he comes!" Justin crouched in a ball and closed his eyes tightly hoping that it would end quickly. Brian had saw Justin cowering under the table curling in to a ball. Like an animal that was getting ready to be beat. Anger boiled deep within. Brian was pissed. How could a father hurt his son the way he hurt Justin? Craig lifted up the bat and pulled him out from underneath the table swearing. "Come here you little fuck-Daddy's got something to fix your little ass" With a quick swing Craig hit Justin's ribs. Justin couldn't cry he could barely breathe. The pain, that's all he could think of. He looked over at Dawson who was crying. Justin looked over to his father as his eyes began to tear up.   
He pleaded with his father. "Don't you love me-Dad?" 

Justin was hurting that his father hated him. He hadn't seen Brian behind his father. Brian's heart was breaking as he heard the boy's words. He was going to hurt Craig. As Justin saw his father raise the bat to strike-the bat flew out of Craig's hand and fell a few feet away. Brian had knocked the shit out of him. Craig fell and grabbed his ribs. Brian kicked him and picked up the broken bat and screamed. "You don't deserve Justin's love! -Asshole" Craig now was in pain and was struggling to breathe. Justin slowly pulled himself up wincing in pain. Brian began to walk to Justin to hold him until they could get him medical attention but Craig had other ideas. He slowly stood up cursing and charged at Brian. "You fucking faggot-if you had never seduced my son I wouldn't have had to hire Hobbes and then we could have been a fucking great family!" Brian wasn't sure if Justin had known but the words angered him more. Craig was able to grab what was left of the bat from Brian's grip and raise it. Justin saw that Brian was going to get hit and He quickly took what strength he had left-and pushed Brian out of the way. Justin got hit hard and stumbled back grasping for something to hold on to. He could hear Brain scream and his heartbeat thumping in his head. Justin looked to Brian and held out his hand for comfort. Whispering "B r i a n" 

Brian ran to Justin's side. The night of the bashing came flooding back as Justin's head was gushing blood. He was in bad shape. Brian cried as he held Justin in his arms whispering.   
"Don't leave me Justin..Please" Justin could hear Dawson calling 911 and Brian pleading for him to stay awake. "Justin..Baby look at me-Oh God don't close your eyes-Justin! Justin!"   
Justin's eyes fluttered as unconsciousness took over. Meanwhile Craig stood back as he watched his son bleeding there on the floor. Craig's anger dissipated as memories of Justin flooded his memory. As an infant and a toddler Craig adored his son-the thought brought him tears. His mind went back to a time when they had been so close. Justin had only wanted him to love him. Why couldn't he open up his heart and love the boy? Craig dropped the bat and dropped to his knees and began crying. He was such a bad father. He couldn't bare to see his son covered in all that blood He wanted to hold him. He attempted to sit by Justin and hold him but Brian screamed. "Get the fuck away" Brian's voice quivered. He was panicking. He wasn't letting Craig touch him ever again. Craig backed away holding his ribs. Wishing that this was just a bad nightmare. How would Justin ever forgive him? Craig watched, as Justin's body lay limp. 

"Oh God- What if he doesn't make it" Craig shook his head and continued to plead with Brian to let him hold his son. Brian looking over with hate in his eyes and whispered. "You had your chance over and over you fucked it up-I'm not letting you near him-I'll kill you before you hurt him again" Brian meant it. The ambulance arrived with the police. Craig was taken to the hospital by ambulance as Justin was airlifted by helicopter. The EMT's let Brian sit at the end and hold his hand knowing that he may not survive. Brian was falling apart. He rocked back and forth silently praying that Justin would be okay. His knuckles were turning white as he held tightly to Justin's hand. He didn't want to let go for fear that Justin wouldn't know that he was there. They arrived at the hospital in a matter of minutes and took him in the operating room. 

Justin had suffered a broken leg and a few cracked ribs and swelling of the brain. The Dr's didn't think there was much hope for the young boy. Brian walked slowly around the corridors as his insides ached. He had called Jennifer and the rest of the gang. His voice had been cold and void of feeling. Even though his heart weighed heavy and his thoughts were running endless. He walked by a chapel and wanted to walk past but didn't. He sighed. He walked in and knelt down for about 15 minutes before he spoke any words. "God? If you exist-please don't take my sunshine away. He's the only person in my life that gives me hope-gives me happiness-gives me strength and courage to fight my demons everyday- If you take him away what will I have? Nothing" Brian let the tears fall as he slumped down to the floor and beat his fist against the rough burgundy carpet. He cursed out loud. "Goddamnit please just answer me once in your life! -All the shit I've went through-and never once did you help-now I stand here begging you to let Justin live-Take me Goddamnit Take me instead!" Brian's voice was coarse as he continued to yell profanity at the ceiling. He stood up and turned around seeing Jennifer crying. 

Brian watched Jennifer for a few minutes. He had nothing to say to her or Craig. All he could do was think about Justin. Brian headed for the door but was caught by Jennifer's hand. She whispered. "Brian?" Brian turned to her and she took her hand and wiped his tears. Brian needed comfort but would never ask. He had to be the strong one always. She took him in her arms and they both sat there in that little chapel crying. After both of them had calmed down they went to the waiting area. Hours had passed as Brian sat there in a chair close to the nurse's station waiting for an answer. Brian looked up to see a doctor heading their way. Jennifer met with her. Immediately Brian knew that Justin hadn't made it.. Jennifer fell to her knees as the doctor told her they did everything they possibly could have but the injuries to Justin's head were far worse than expected. Brian grabbed his heart and fell to the floor. How could his lover be gone? Brian screamed as his voice echoed through the empty halls. Tears streamed down his face as Michael tried to console him. Brian yelled. "Get the fuck away" 

Pushing Michael aside he ran toward the doctor and pleaded. "I need to see Justin right now!" Brian couldn't believe the doctor. He didn't know Justin the way he did. Justin was strong and could make it-they just had to believe it. The doctor looked to Jennifer as to ask for her permission to let him see his lover. Jennifer nodded. Brian followed the doctor to the room and motioned him in. In the cold little room lay a lifeless body covered with a sheet, the sheet was covered in blood. Brian removed the sheet that covered his sunshine. He picked up the boy and held him close whispering. "I need to hear you laugh again-I need for you to hold me and tell me you love me-Justin-baby please don't leave me" Brian held Justin tightly as his tears blended in with Justin's blood. He collapsed on the floor still holding his sunshine. He carefully brushed away the blood off his sweet tender lips and kissed him lightly. Justin felt cold. Brian pulled him close as to warm him. As his mind drifted to happier times..Brian whispered "now I cry over you-nearly die over you-you broke my heart" 

Paintings in my mind-Picture this-you and me- walking down a white sand beach- were holding hands-the warm winds blow-were all alone-all these dreams are fantasies-their not real-not reality and now I cry over you-nearly die over you and all the bits and pieces of us- that I try to find are only paintings in my mind-faded memories-of another place and time we were happy as can be-you were loving me and now its just an image that I find-like the paintings in my mind-When you left-I fell apart-I was torn- you broke my heart and now I cry over you-nearly die over you-and all the bits and pieces of us that I try to find-exist as paintings in my mind faded memories -of another place and time we were happy as can be- you were loving me and now its just an image that I find-like the paintings in my mind- impressions of- the way it was- long ago-somewhere back in time are only paintings in my mind-faded memories of another place and time we were happy as can be-you were loving me and now its just an image that I find-like the paintings in my mind faded memories of another place and time we were happy as can be  
you were loving me-and now its just an image that I find-like the paintings in my mind-```Tommy Page``` 

Brian sat on the floor crying harder than he has ever cried in his life. How could he be gone? He began to think irrationally and stood up and carried Justin out to the waiting room. He didn't care that the nurse's and doctors were running after him. He couldn't leave his sunshine in that little room cold and alone. Michael grabbed his arm and tried to talk some sense in to him.   
"What the fuck are you doing? - He’s dead Brian! You couldn't save him this time" 

He could hear him screaming. "Brian! Brian!" Slowly Brian sat up from the chair looking at Michael who had been calling his name. "The doctor is wanting to talk with you"   
Brian stood up and realized that he had fallen asleep and was having a nightmare. He looked toward the doctor hoping that the nightmare wasn't coming true. He slowly walked to him.   
"Mr. Kinney?" Brian looked for any signs but the doctor was hard to read. Brian replied.  
"Yes, I'm Mr. Kinney-How is Justin?" Brian was holding his breath as the dr spoke. "Mr. Kinney-we haven't seen many people like Justin who come here on death's door and fight the way he did to live-he continues to say your name, even when he was coming out of surgery he refused to let us touch him-At first we couldn't understand but one of the nurse's had seen you earlier with him and explained." Brian still needed to hear the words and repeated himself. "Is he ok?" Brian closed his eyes and waited for the reply. "Yes, Mr. Kinney-actually he wants to see you-in most cases we wouldn't let you but under these circumstances were making an exception. 

Brian let go of holding his breath and followed the nurse as the doctor continued to tell the family how Justin was progressing. Brian walked in to this tiny little room that was freezing. Brian's heart skipped a beat and fear swept over him. It was his nightmare. Brian's thoughts faded as he laid his eyes on Justin. His heart was pounding. Brian didn't move from his spot until Justin called out to him. "Brian?" Justin knew that he was upset and wanted him to come and sit by him. He needed Brian to hold him. Brian gave a weak smile and walked over. Brian touched Justin expecting him to be cold. He sighed, as Justin's body was warm and soft. He could relax from his thoughts that were haunting him. Justin looked at him with his loving eyes and spoke. Brian I love you" Brian let his smile spread across his face and took the boy in to his arms and whispered the same three words back. Justin cherished the times that Brian showed his love for him. He would lock away each moment in his mind and remember it forever. 

Justin looked to the door and spoke. "Brian? Is my Mom here?" Before Brian could even speak the gang rushed in. They all were so happy to see him alive. Deb was pushing her way to the front of the crowd yelling. "Sunshine-we knew you were a fighter" Justin laughed as he noticed Brian mimicking her. He grabbed Brian's hand and squeezed it. Brian squeezed back. Justin looked out at the group. He loved each and everyone one of them. He smiled as he tried to shift his weight so Brian could sit on the bed. Brian sat next to him and put a kiss to his forehead. Everyone was chatting as Dawson walked in and started to ramble. "Hey Justin-how are you feeling?" Justin felt ok but not terrific. [Smiling] he replied. "I'm okay"   
Dawson looked over at the group and began to tell of what happened in the diner. "You should have seen it! Justin's dad was beating the shit out of him and Brian came and rescued him" 

Justin smile escaped as tears warmed his eyes. He didn't want to think about what his dad did to him. If it hadn't been for Brian he would be dead. Brian shot Dawson a dirty look. Dawson immediately shut up. Justin looked to the group. He wasn't up to having company anymore. He just wanted him and Brian to be there, alone. Justin looked to the group and spoke. "You know it wasn't as bad as the Drs. thought-I can go home in a couple of days so you all don't need to sit here and worry about me-I'll be fine. [Forcing a laugh] anyway I've got Brian who is going to be up my ass for the next few weeks-so go home and get some rest" Everyone knew that Justin needed to be left alone with Brian at that moment. Brian wasn't going anywhere. Everyone gave their hugs and kisses and left. 

Brian pulled Justin face to face and spoke. "Justin I need......Brian paused as he saw the look of understanding on his face.. YOU." Justin smiled as tears ran down his cheeks and replied. "I need you too Brian-more than you will ever know" Brian took the boy in to his arms and held him tight never wanting to let go

Brian wasn't about to bring up Craig knowing that Justin wasn't emotionally ready to handle what happened. He knew that was shaky territory and would let Justin bring it up. Before long Justin began to talk. "Brian-you know my dad had told me that he hired Chris Hobbes when I was at the park" Brian didn't know the whole story but little pieces here and there. Brian ran his thumb over the blond’s cheek and spoke. "Justin. Baby tell me everything" Justin looked away for a moment and then let out a long sigh. He leaned in to Brian listening to his heartbeat. Letting the words flow, he told Brian everything from the beginning. 

Justin was ready to get out of there. His time at the hospital had been more of a nuisance than it actually helping. Every time he would fall asleep a nurse would come in and wake him up to give him sleeping pills. What's the point? Justin wanted to get back to the loft and hold Brian in their bed in his arms and just take every minute being together. Brian walked inside the door and called out. "Are you ready to go?" Before Brian could finish speaking Justin hobbled by his side and replied. "Let's go" Brian had to help Justin to the jeep, but neither minded. The ride over was silent, as both were lost in their thoughts. Justin was thinking about his father and so was Brian. Justin didn't know that Craig had fallen apart at the diner when he had seen what he had done to him. Brian hated Craig but knew as long as Justin wanted him in their life he would remain. Justin looked over at Brian and made a statement. "I want nothing to do with my father! I can't keep waiting for my dad to change." Brian glanced over and saw the look that he had. He was dead serious. Brian didn't say anything. He knew Justin was sensitive and took everything to heart but always forgave Craig no matter what horrible things he did. Justin turned and looked out the window. Brian changed the subject. "Dr Campten called for you today" Justin didn't much care for that man. He always asked to many questions. He questioned. "What did he want?" 

Brian could hear the irritation in his voice and continued. "He wanted to schedule another appointment with you" Justin didn't even want to think about it. He replied. "Oh sounds fun" Brian took his hand and squeezed Justin's shoulder and spoke lovingly. "Don't worry I told him what happened and he will see you on Monday" Justin got ready to protest but Brian cut him off. "Don't you fret my love-I told him that from now on I'll be there with you at all times" Justin looked over and couldn't help but wonder what had gotten in to Brian. He was acting all lovely dovey and that wasn't Brian. Justin titled his head and spoke. "What's up?" 

Brian put on a shit eaten grin. "Nothing yet but I know you can fix that" Justin laughed and smacked him. Dropping the subject Justin scooted closer to Brian. It took him a few minutes to get the task done but when he was leaning against the man he felt warm safe and loved. Brian reached the loft and pulled the jeep to a stop. He could feel Justin relax and knew instantly that the boy had fallen asleep. He let out a smile and slowly pulled away from him. He walked to the other side and opened the door. Brian bent down and gently picked up the exhausted boy and carried him up the stairs knowing that all the people in the loft were waiting to hear the elevator come up. They were going to surprise him. Brian opened the door and carried Justin inside. He made sure that no one was to make noise and wake him up. Deb smiled as she finally had confirmation that Brian Kinney gave a shit. She had wished that him and Michael would make up and be best friends again. They had talked at the hospital a few times but nothing like before. 

She sighed hoping that they would be able to work things out. Everyone gathered their things and began walking out. At the door stood Michael. The look he had was of concern but you could tell he was missing Brian. Brian waved him in but put a finger to his mouth. Michael came in and shut the door noticing that Brian had disappeared. He had went in to the room to cover up Justin. His heart fell. He loved Brian so much and wished Brian could understand. But Brian only wanted him as a friend and he would have to accept it. His mind drifted off to times when they were kids. He almost wish that he could go back in time and make Brian realize he was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He sat on the couch and waited. 

Michael sighed as he saw Brian come from the room It was time to patch things up with him and Justin. First he would start with Brian. He looked to his best friend and spoke. "Brian can we talk for a bit?" Brian could see him hurting but he was too. "ok what?" Coming out harsher than intended. Michael continued. "I wanted to say that I was acting like an asshole and that I'm sorry-I won't lie to you anymore-and I won't touch Justin again unless you let me [making a sexual gesture] and I will try to understand him better" Michael gave his best lost puppy expression.

Brian listens to the man spill his heart out. He felt betrayed and was unsure if things would be the same. Brian sat down next to his friend and spoke. "Mikey, right now I'm not willing to let everything go and forget about what you did. But I am willing to give you another chance. It will take some time to trust you again. We'll need to take it one day at a time. As for Justin, I'm not sure what he wants. You will need to talk with him and tell him your sorry that you were so mean to him and said those hateful things-plus you won't ever touch him even if your playing-you will have to deal with me! If you cross the line there will be no more chances." 

Michael knew he would have hell to pay if he pissed Brian off again. He understood that he had to deal with the consequences. He smiled and promised as he whispered. "I will-Brian. I swear I'll show you that you can trust me again" Brian looked over to Justin wanting to hold him. He stood up and spoke to Michael. "When Justin wakes up we'll see if he's in the mood to talk. Remember Mikey no more bullshit!" Michael gave a brief smile and changed the subject.   
"So what about his father?" Brian didn't even want to discuss the man and angrily snapped. "Mikey Leave it alone!" Michael knew he stepped on shaky ground and wasn't bound to piss him off again. He dropped the whole conversation. Neither Brian nor Michael had realized that Justin had woken up. He was half-asleep from all the drugs they had given to him at the hospital and was trying to get on to his feet. He rose out of bed and lost his balance and hit the floor hard. He cried out as he landed on his broken leg. Brian heard the thud and went running to his side. 

Brian knelt down to the boy and spoke. "Justin are you okay?"   
Helping him up and holding on to him Justin spoke. "Brian I need to go to the bathroom now" He could barely hold it. Brian picked him up and carried him to the bathroom. He put him down and let him hold on to the counter. Brian smiled and joked. "Would you like me to hold it for you too?" Justin looked over with his sunshine smile. Brian melted every time he saw it. Leaning against the counter Justin spoke. [Yawning] "so why is Michael here?"  
Brian could tell that the drugs still were heavy in his system. His words were distorted. He approached Justin and spoke. "He wants to talk with you, but only if you're up to it." 

Justin pulled his sweats back up and hobbled over to where Brian stood which wasn't far. The man was never farther than a arm length away. Brian let him lean on him as they both went to the couch to sit. Michael watched as Brian meticulously helped Justin get comfortable. Michael began his I'm so sorry speech. "Boy wonder.. I mean Justin I need to talk to you" Justin looked up and watched Michael fiddle with his fingers. Justin spoke. "ok.. About?" He knew exactly why he was there. If Michael wanted to be in Brian's life he had to be nice to him. Justin leaned his head on Brian's shoulder and waited. Michael looked to Brian as to ask what he could say without being yelled at. Brian shrugged his shoulders. Michael continued. "Justin I'm sorry for hurting you and being an asshole-I didn't mean to say all those bad things to you and would you please forgive me?" Michael crossed his arms and held his breath and waited. Justin had been hurt so many times by him that he wasn't sure he could trust what he was saying. Justin looked to Brian for comforting. He was torn. If he forgave him then would he hurt him again and if he didn't forgive him would Brian be upset with him. He couldn't answer that. He looked to Michael and whispered his words. "I don't know if I can." Michael figured that he would be forgiven-he always had before but this time it was different. Michael looked to Brian again. 

Brian couldn't help but think they both depended on him a lot. He wouldn't admit it but he liked the feeling. The loft was silent. Brian broke the silence. "Well, Justin and I have had a busy day and we both need some R&R so if you don't mind Mikey I will see you later." Michael didn't hesitate to get up and leave. The awkwardness he felt was overwhelming. He would have to prove to Justin that he was sincere. He got ready to kiss Brian on the lips but stopped when Brian moved. Instead he let him peck him on the cheek. He said good-bye and walked out the door. Justin waited for Brian to say something about him not giving Michael an answer. He wasn't ready to open up and let his feelings get stomped on again..Same with his father. I might be young but I'm not stupid...he thought. But Brian didn't say anything. Justin closed his eyes. 

He was tired and wanted to fall back in to a deep sleep. Brian watched him pretending to be occupied at the computer. Even though the bruises marked his face Brian found him irresistible. He watch as Justin tried hard to resist falling asleep. He walked over to the teen and slightly caressed his cheek. Justin opened his eyes and smiled. Brian smiled back. He picked up his lover in his arms and carried him back to bed. Brian could feel the emotions wanting to release as he lay there watching him sleep. Justin had endured so much these last few months and he wanted to erase all the pain that Justin felt inside. Brian let the tears fall to his pillow believing that he would never be able to fully express his love for the man. Brian pulled Justin closer and felt the younger man sigh with happiness. He smiled as he now could fall asleep peacefully. He closed his eyes and let the darkness take him. 

Next Day  
Justin woke up and watched Brian sleep for a moment. He didn't want to wake him so he quietly tried to slip off the bed. The cast on his leg prevented him from being agile. He couldn't help but lose his balance and fall to the floor. He looked up to see if he woke Brian but he hadn't. He crawled to the bathroom and took hold of the counter top and pulled himself up. He needed to take a shower. The stitches in his leg were becoming frayed but the doctor had told him that it was normal. He turned on the water feeling the droplets of water spray his face. The water felt good on his face. He stood there thinking how he could get in without having to go retrieve a plastic bag and hobble back. Before he made up his mind a firm but loving hand rested upon his shoulders and a deep voice spoke. "Justin I think you need my help" Brian had brought a bag with him and helped Justin put it on his cast. He then helped him undress. Brian undressed and let Justin lean on him to climb in the shower. The water felt good. Justin looked up and gazed in to those beautiful hazel eyes. He nuzzled a little closer and spoke. "Brian? Did I wake you?" Brian smiled but the water hid it. He replied. "No, I was already awake when you tried to climb out of the bed" Justin knew he had seen him fall on his butt. He laughed and let Brian washed his back. 

Justin asked. "So what are we going to do today?" Brian hadn't planned on anything special except spending time with him. He continued to wash the boy when he spoke. "What did you have in mind" Justin took the soap from Brian and begun to wash his back and replied. "I wanted to spend the day with you" Brian took Justin in to his arms and kissed him lovingly and whispered "ok baby whatever you want" Justin needed to get out of the shower. Even though he was enjoying himself the pain in his leg was becoming more than he could tolerate. Brian turned off the water and helped him out of the shower. He grabbed the two towels off the rack and wrapped one over Justin and the other one around him. He gently took off the wet plastic bag and threw it on the floor. He picked up Justin and carried him to the bedroom. Brian walked out of the bedroom toward the kitchen. He yelled toward the room. "I'll get you your medicine and some juice" Justin thought to himself. "What would I do without him" Justin lay down on the bed and rested his eyes waiting for Brian to return. The phone rang and Justin saw the cordless on the nightstand. He picked it up. 

"Hello" Justin listened. "Justin please don't hang up" Justin set the phone down shaking. He couldn't talk to his father. Brian walked in and noticed that the boy was pale and spoke.  
"What's wrong" The only thing Justin could do was point to the phone. Brian picked up the phone and heard nothing but a dial tone. Brian spoke. "Who was it?" Justin didn't reply. His thoughts were occupied. Why would he call me after the things he did to me? I just can’t forget this time. He wanted to kill me. Justin snapped out of his thoughts as he felt a warm arm embrace him. He let Brian surround him and let the safe feeling overcome him. He didn't want Brian to let go. Brian kissed the man and whispered in his ear. "Are you ready to tell me who was on the phone?" Brian knew something had upset him. Justin talked so softly that Brian almost didn't hear him. "My father" Brian thought he misunderstood and repeated himself.   
"Who called?" Justin let the tears fall and spoke. "Brian-why is he calling here?" Brian knew that his father was trying to reconcile their relationship but was unsure of what the man had planned.  
Brian spoke confidently. "I'm not sure Justin but I won't let him hurt you again..ok" Justin nodded his head and buried his face in to Brian's chest. The phone rang again. Justin tensed up hoping that it wasn't for him. Brian squeezed him tight to reassure him that he would be protected and answered the phone. "Hello!" Justin listened. Brian snarled "I told you Craig that I'm not going to let you near him again-You mean to tell me that you have the balls to call him for that! Fuck you Craig! No-If I catch you near him I'll kill you!" Brian slammed the phone down. Justin was to scared to ask what his father wanted. He would rather just crawl up in to Brian Kinney and be left alone. He shook as the medicine took its affect and soon made him incoherent. He cried as Brian held him until he fell asleep again. 

Brian got up carrying the phone and went to his computer. He picked up the phone and called. Waiting for the woman to pick up he kept a close eye on the boy who was passed out. Hearing the woman speak Brian replied. "Hey Linds do you think you could come over and watch Justin for awhile?-I've got some business to take care of" Lindsey knew that he never called unless he really needed her. She agreed and spoke. "ok Brian I'm on my way-I'll bring Gus so Justin has a playmate." Lindsey thought she would crack a joke but Brian had more important things on his mind like killing Craig Taylor. 

Brian walked out of the loft. He didn't stay and visit with Lindsey instead he had to find Craig Taylor. He headed to his home knowing that Jennifer and Molly wouldn't be there. His thoughts continued to replay the beating in the diner. Justin had done everything possible to appease his father but what Craig wanted Justin couldn't give. Justin's words still etched in his mind. Then as if Craig had never hurt Justin he pleaded to hold him. Has Craig really lost his mind? Brian thought. He could feel his stomach tighten. He clenched his fist as he drove down the road. Angry at himself for not being there when Justin had needed him. Justin began to toss in bed and reached over to touch Brian needing to feel his embrace but he wasn't there. He opened his eyes and heard laughter coming from the kitchen. He slowly got up and walked out. He scanned the living room to see Gus playing on the floor and Lindsey laughing at her son who was being silly. Justin hobbled off the stairs and spoke. "Where's Brian?   
Lindsey looked over and smiled before she replied. "He said he had to run a few errands and wanted me to come over and keep an eye on you" Justin looked at her oddly. He watched the woman for any information that she might give away when she spoke. There was none. He replied alittle annoyed. "Why? When did I start needing a baby-sitter?" 

Lindsey chuckled and walked next to him. She made sure as not to touch him knowing that Brian was the only one who could have physical contact with him. She replied. "Justin-Brian didn't want to leave you alone so he called me-and I thought you and Gus could spend some time together. I know how your feeling and I want you to know I'm here for you"

Justin wasn't buying it. He walked over to her and sat down to speak. "Did Brian say anything about my father?" Lindsey shook her head no. She knew that there was more to the story but Brian wasn't willing to share. Justin saw Gus grab a sketching pad from underneath the couch. He ran over and gently took the book. He placed it back under the couch almost wedging it so it was hard to remove. He didn't want anyone to see it. It was a lot of things he had drawn that were personal to him. Brian hadn't even seen these. He knew if they had they would grow more concern with him. He played it off as if it wasn't to important and walked over to the phone and dialed Brian's cell handing the phone to Linds. She looked up as to wonder why he was giving her the phone. Justin's eyes spoke volumes. He whispered to her. "Linds tell Brian to please come home-I need him" Looking as if Justin was going to fall apart she took the receiver and waited for Brian to pick up. Justin heard a knock at the door and hobbled slowly toward it  
trying to listen to Lindsey who had begun to talk with Brian. Justin opened the door. There stood Craig.

Justin let out a small gasp. Lindsey turned to see who was at the door and screamed. "Oh my God-Brian! Craig is here!" Justin didn't move from the door way. He was frozen. Lindsey sat down Gus and moved in front blocking the path between him and Craig. The man argued with Lindsey. "I need to speak with my son!" Lindsey hadn't hung the phone up. You could hear Brian swearing. Lindsey continued. "I don't think so Craig-at the moment Justin is in no condition to see anyone right now-you will have to wait until Brian is here" Knowing that when Brian got there he would make him leave or risk getting his ass kicked. Craig looked over to Gus smiling. He could remember when Justin had been that size. He loved his son and now that he realized that he needed his son in his life. He would have to convince Brian. Knowing that Brian was the only person who could keep him away, Lindsey was beginning to freak out. She didn't like the way he was looking at Gus. Justin was lost in his thoughts not realizing that Lindsey had spoken. She began to close the door when Craig pushed back blocking the door from being shut. 

Craig blurted out once again. "I told you I need to speak with my son!- you love your son.. don't you?-then you should understand why I need to talk to him." Justin turned to see his father  
and spoke with what strength he had. "Dad you need to go- I don't want to talk to you or see you ever again!" Justin fought hard to keep the tears from falling. Lindsey was on the phone with Brian telling him to hurry up. She knew that if Craig was going to do something that she physically was unable to protect Justin. She had Gus there and that was enough for her to feel anxious. Brian continued to throw profanity as she encouraged Justin to shut the door. Justin moved closer to Craig fighting the fear to scream and run. Craig couldn't let the door close. If he couldn't get through to him while Brian was gone then he will never be able to have another opportunity to gain access to the boy. He grabbed Justin's arm and pulled him in to a bear hug. 

Justin let out this horrifying scream as his breath was cut off. Lindsey screamed as Gus began to wail. Lindsey ran to the kitchen looking for any type of weapon she could use against Craig. Justin knew that if he didn't get his father out of there that he might harm them. He couldn't handle being the reason that they would have to suffer from his father's abuse too. Brian heard the screams and yelled in to the phone. "Lindsey what the hell is going on?" Brian could hear Gus crying in the background as he heard Lindsey yelling. Driving down the road trying to hold the cell to his ear and keep one hand on the steering wheel while having to keep his mind from wandering seemed impossible.

Lindsey picked up the phone and cried. "Brian-Craig has a hold of Justin" That's all she could say. Gus needed her and she found an iron skillet to nail the shit out of Craig. She let the phone drop to the floor. Brian knew immediately that he had to get home. He was still a few minutes away as he heard Justin yell to Lindsey. "Shut the door now and lock it please-Lindsey do it " He could hear Lindsey pleading with him. "No, I can't let him do this Justin!-he's going to hurt you again" Justin knew once they were safe locked inside he could run, well not run but maybe wobble fast. But Lindsey wouldn't do it. He took what strength he had in his body and shoved Craig out of the loft. He lost his balance and fell hard on his broken leg. He cried out in pain. "Fuck!" He tried to ignore the pain. Justin hollared out. "Lindsey lock it now!" He screamed. Craig stumbled back and looked at his son holding back his anger but charged at Lindsey.   
Lindsey saw those wild eyes and heard the man threaten. "I'll come in there and help you shut the fucking door!" Lindsey saw the fear in Justin's eyes and looked at her little boy who sat on the floor crying. She had to protect her baby. She looked back at Justin knowing that Brian had left her in charge. She needed to protect him too. She was torn. She raised the skillet and with all the strength she could muster she whacked him on the side of his face. It hadn't knocked Craig out but it did give him a huge knot on his head and it seemed to make him angrier. He was coming toward the door again but Justin had grabbed him and pulled him back out. Justin knew she needed to be coax, he whispered to her. "Please Lindsey-shut the door-Gus needs you and I'll be okay-I promise." Knowing that Craig could explode at any minute. Lindsey threw the iron skillet one last time toward Craig but he moved causing the pan to hit the wall leaving a dent. 

Lindsey pulled the door closed and locked it. Falling to her knees she cried. "How could I shut the door-I was his only hope until Brian got here." She saw the phone and wondered if Brian was still on. She put the phone up to her ear and spoke. "Brian?" He heard the whole conversation. Brian whispered. "Please tell me Justin is with you" Lindsey started to cry harder.   
"No" Brian felt the lump in his throat gag him. He wasn't sure if he was going to cry or throw up. He finally reached the loft and pulled his jeep in and parked. Brian took off running inside hoping that Craig hadn't touched him. Justin pulled himself up away from his father and stumbled back grabbing the wall for support. His leg was throbbing and his stitches had torn causing a small stream of blood to run down soaking his sock. He must have hit the floor harder than he thought. His father approached as Justin slid down the wall crouching putting up his arms shielding his already bruised face as if he knew a beating was coming. Craig looked at him still trying to hold back his anger. He let his mind wander. "Why am I so angry with him? I beat him, say horrible things to him and all he does is ask for one thing that I can't seem to give" Craig came out of his thoughts and leaned down to touch Justin. Brian came running as he saw Justin crying and shaking violently. He saw the blood and his anger erupted. Grabbing Craig, he  
slammed the older man against the wall. Brian screamed out. "What the fuck did you do?" Justin had never seen Brian so angry before. He wasn't sure who was more terrifying at that moment..his dad or Brian. Justin watch as Brian beat him. He knew he had to stop him before Brian killed him. Justin slowly stood and hobbled over to Brian and spoke. "Brian..please stop" Brian was in a trance. He wasn't responding to Justin's plea's. Justin touched Brian's arm hoping that he would notice and listen to what he was saying. Brian turned around and raised his fist Justin hobbled back with fear in his eyes. Brian realized who it was and lowered his hand quickly. He released Craig and went to Justin and apologized. "I'm sorry I didn't mean umm I wouldn't ever" Brian took a deep breath and spoke. "Justin I would never hurt you like that."  
Justin knew Brian would never hurt him but still he had caught him off guard. Craig had slumped to the floor holding his arm. He didn't say anything but glare at Brian. Justin could see that Brian had broke his father's arm and probably a few ribs too. What Brian did next was more than Justin had expected. Brian bent down and whispered hateful words. "Craig I was coming over to kill you but why should you be let off the hook so easily. I'm going to make your life is a living hell just like you made Justin's if you attempt to see him again." 

Justin looked over to Brian and knew he had to be joking. Craig was taking it seriously. The image must have ran through his mind because he stood up and shook. Before turning away he attempted to walk to Justin. Brian blocked the path and hissed. "Don't even try-Craig!" Justin grabbed Brian's arm and let himself slide underneath-he felt better. Craig backed off but still made it clear how he felt. "Justin I still want you to know I don't approve of your lifestyle but I do love you" He looked at Brian coldly and walked away. Justin leaned on to Brian trying to get the pressure off his leg. He needed medicine and something to drink. Brian realized this and picked him up off his feet. He kissed him passionately relieved that Craig hadn't hurt him like before. Brian fumbled for his keys and unlocked the door. There sat Lindsey on the couch crying on the phone. She saw Brian and Justin and ran over. Who ever she was talking to could be heard screaming and crying too. Lindsey tried to touch the boy but he curled in to Brian's hold. She stepped back and spoke. "Oh Justin sweetie I'm so sorry" Justin gave a warm smile.  
and whispered to her. "Lindsey-there was nothing you could do-How's Gus-I know he was really upset" Lindsey knew he didn't want her to get all teary eyed but she couldn't help it. She responded to his question. "He's ok, after a few minutes of me holding him he was back to his giggly self." Justin looked over and sure enough he was there smiling and making giggly sounds. 

Brian interrupted. "Linds could you please get me a clean wash cloth and some peroxide" Linds hadn't noticed that Justin's leg had been covered in blood. Brian sat Justin down on the couch and propped up his leg. Linds came back handing Brian the stuff. She looked to the teen and asked. "Would you mind if I helped?" She looked up at Brian and then to Justin again.   
"Could you get some juice and his medicine" Brian stated." Justin took the pillow and covered his head laying down. The pain was growing more intense as Brian gently clean the wound. The stitches were torn just a bit but nothing to run to the doctor for. As he lay under the pillow he couldn't help but let the tears fall down. He didn't want Lindsey and Brian to see. He had cried enough to last a lifetime in front of them and didn't want them to see him hurt. He was sad that his father felt the need now to tell him that he loved him. Justin's thoughts went deeper. 

"How can he love me if he can't even accept me for who I am? He doesn't love me-he just feels guilty that I could have died." Justin wanted to just fall in to Brian's arms and hold him until the world would change the hate they felt for gay lifestyles. He let the pillow wipe his tears away as he heard Lindsey approach. He lifted up his head and took the medicine and laid back down. They could tell Justin had been crying His eyes were swollen and his face had been a tad bit wet. But nothing was said. Lindsey leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and spoke.  
"I've got to go but will call later..ok sweetie" Justin nodded. Brian picking up Gus and holding him close. Kissing his slobbery cheek and smiling. He grabbed the diaper bag and swung it over his back and walked her to her car giving Justin a few minutes to regain his composure. He needed to talk with Lindsey as well. "Lindsey-I didn't mean to put you and Gus in ..." Without finishing she understood. She didnt hesitate to speak. "Brian it's not your fault that Craig is a crazed psycho-anyway I feel just as bad as you do" Brian looked in to her eyes taking her chin and pulling her in close for a kiss. He repeated her same statement but in his own way. "Why? It's not your fault either" They both knew that it wasn't them but Craig Taylor who was at fault. 

Brian snatched a quick kiss from Gus before Lindsey took him and put him in his car seat. He helped her load up the car and kissed her good-bye. He stood outside for a moment hoping that things would get better. He walked back in and saw Justin sitting up with his hands drawn to his face. Brian walked over and took him in to his arms. He knew the teen was having a hard time dealing with all this drama especially the show Craig had put on. Brian started to talk.   
"Justin listen to me" Justin looked at him as the tears had been streaming his face for a while. Holding him tighter Brian spoke the words that filled his heart. For so long he took to find the words that would come across the volume of what he felt for the boy. 

Now and Forever-written by Richard Marx from the CD "Paid Vacation" Whenever I'm weary  
From the battles that raged in my head-You make sense of madness-When my sanity hangs by a thread-I lose my way, but still you-Seem to understand-Now and Forever-I will be your man  
Sometimes I just hold you-Too caught up in me to see-I'm holding a fortune-That Heaven has given to me-I'll try to show you-Each and every way I can-Now and Forever-I will be your man-Now I can rest my worries-And always be sure-That I won't be alone, anymore  
If I'd only known you were there-All the time-All this time-Until the day the ocean  
Doesn't touch the sand-Now and Forever-I will be your man-Now and Forever-I will be your man.. 

Justin listen as Brian spoke the loving words. He knew that Brian had been telling him that he loved him since the attempted suicide but nothing like this. Justin closed his eyes and held him wanting to let Brian take him away to another place and time. Brian knew he had calmed the teen down just by the way his body felt. Brian held him until his body relaxed. He smiled knowing that Justin had drifted off to sleep. He didn't want to let him go but the phone kept ringing. He sighed as he gently laid Justin down on the couch and went to pick up the phone.   
"Hello" A frantic reply screamed over the phone. "How is sunshine ?" Of course he should have known it was going to be Deb. Brian rolled his eyes and replied. "He's fine-he's resting right now." He really didn't want to have this discussion at the moment. Deb didn't care. She continued to rant. "What the fuck did Craig do now-Lindsey called earlier but we got disconnected" Brian smirked as he realized Lindsey had hung her up when he had carried Justin in. Brian spoke. "Deb there isn't much to tell-Craig thought he could pull a fast one but realized he made a big mistake" She knew that there was more to the story but as usual Brian only gave what he wanted and fuck the rest. She gave up and spoke. "Give my sunshine some love and tell him I'll see him Tuesday" Brian caught the last part of the sentence and asked. "Why Tuesday?" Already knowing what the little brat was up too. 

Deb cringed and then spoke. "You mean he didn't tell you he's coming back to work-honest Brian he told me he told you" Brian didn't comment on that but he did reply. "We'll see after tomorrow if he's up to work" Deb could only smile on the other end as she spoke before hanging up. "ok Brian-just have him call me and let me know" Brian hung up the phone after their conversation. He walked over to the kitchen. He hadn't eaten all day and found himself starving. He rummaged through the cabinets. Everything in there seem to be of Justin's liking. 

My God that kid loved junk food. He smiled. He decided that there wasn't much he wanted so he would call and order out. Before he could pick up the phone someone was pounding on the door. Brian glanced over to Justin to make sure he hadn't woken up-he didn't. He walked to the door and opened it. Ready for any disturbance or fight he was willing to protect his man. There stood Michael frantic. Almost yelling. "Brian" Literally almost jumping in his arms. Brian becoming annoyed spoke. "What's wrong with you?" Michael couldn't speak. He just kept pointing to Justin. Brian wanted him to stop. It was beginning to freak him out. Brian asked.  
"What the fuck is wrong with you?..Mikey" Michael took a deep breath and went and woke up Justin before Brian could stop him. Shaking him violently. Justin looked up seeing Michael. Justin stood up pulling away from Michael's grip. he was scaring him. Justin hobbled over to Brian as Michael followed. Brian had about enough of this bullshit and pulled Michael in to a strong hold and yelled. "Mikey! Tell me what the fuck is wrong?" As Brian looked in to his eyes he could almost swear it wasn't him. Justin saw it to. Brian hissed. "What the fuck did you take?" Knowing that Michael hardly did any drugs unless it was him who offered. Michael stood back and smiled. He replied. "None of your business!" Brian was getting pissed. He repeated the smaller man. "None of my business? Mikey you make it my business-coming here and scaring the child like that" 

He smiled knowing that Justin was going to slap him. "Whack" He knew he would. Justin smiled back. Brian continued. "ok Mikey talk to me" They both knew this wasn't a laughing matter. Michael approached Justin again but this time he didnt move. He grabbed Justin and planted a firm kiss on his lips. Justin pulled away blushing. Justin asked. "What was that for Michael?" Michael smiled and replied. "I wanted to see what Brian found so hot about you" Michael looked at Brian and whispered. "I know why you want to fuck him everyday-I would too- his lips taste wonderful-I bet the rest does too." He moved closer to Justin but this time Brian moved in the middle. Brian knew that Michael was high and only acting out some bizarre fantasy. If that's what you could call it. Justin was watching Michael trying not to laugh. He was really fucked up. Brian couldn't see how Justin thought this was humorous. He was throwing himself at Justin and it made him uncomfortable. Even though Brian knew Justin had no interest. 

Brian picked him up and took him to the bed. He undressed him down to his boxers and threw a sheet over him. Michael immediately fell asleep. Justin followed them in. It was getting late and Brian was exhausted. He looked over to Justin and spoke. "I'm going to get a shower-Be good" Justin gave his sunshine smile and tried to look innocent. Brian took to the shower as Justin listened to make sure he heard the water running. Of course he would miss a good fuck but messing with Michael's head had to be worth it. For the fact that the last few days haven't been much fun he could use a laugh especially if its off Michael's expense. 

He waited a few minutes and got undress down to his underwear. He could barely keep from laughing. He jumped in to the bed covering up next to him waiting for him to wake up. He pulled his arm over him making the scene look more realistic. Whatever he took couldn't have been that strong because Michael immediately was aware that he was in Brian's bed and Justin was with him. He looked over pulling his arm off Justin and looked down and saw that he was almost naked with a hard on and Justin was in his underwear.. Justin batted his eyes and gave a soft smile. Michael looked at him and screamed out. "Oh Fuck! Justin did I touch you" Justin gave a devilish smile. "Yea and you kissed me too" Justin wasn't lying. Michael began to panic and spoke. "Oh God Brian is going to kill me-Why the fuck did you let me Justin" He couldn't help himself. Justin continued. "I tried but you insisted-you told me you wanted to see why Brian found me so hot-so am I. Michael?" Michael looked at him blankly and asked. "Are you What?   
Justin smiled and asked the question again. "Am I hot?" He was proud of himself-he didn't give in to his body needing so badly to burst out in laughter. Michael wanted to throw up. Its not that he didn't find Justin to be beautiful but this was Brian's territory. Brian guarded it with his life. He had promised not to touch him even if he was playing. Michael looked over at the almost naked boy and whispered. "Where's Brian?" Justin wanted to tell him he was pissed at him because he walked in but that would be lying. So instead he replied honestly. "He's in the shower" Michael heard the water turn off. He swore outloud. "Oh Fuck" Michael stood up and grabbed his clothes. He was trying to put them on quick but then looked over at Justin who wasn't running scared to get dressed. Michael stopped and looked at the boy to see if he was sincere.  
"Was I good? Justin knew he was fishing for some recollection of the night. Justin shrugged his shoulders and spoke. "Don't you remember kissing me? Justin knew he would- he would just have to wait a minute before Michael got his bearing. Michael stood there with a look of realization smacking him in the face. He began to scream. "Oh my fucking God! I did it" 

Michael continued to get dressed and ran for the door. Justin kept whispering to himself. "Calm down-your going to give it away" Brian walked out of the bathroom and saw Michael frantically running for the door and hollered out. "What's wrong Mikey? Michael turned around and looked at Brian-he knew he had been caught. All he could do was own up to it and pray brian would forgive him. He looked to the ground when he spoke. "I'm sorry Brian- I didn't mean to touch Justin- I just thought." 

Brian cut him off. Thinking that Michael had hurt the teen, he ran to the bed to see a smiling Justin. He cocked his head and asked. "What the fuck is going on here?" Justin stood up and went to Michael. Brian wanted to question him why he was in his underwear but didn't. He put his best innocent smile on and replied. "I told him that he kissed me and he's freaking out-something about him not allowed to touch me or something" Justin started to giggle. Michael turned to him knowing that he had just been had. He looked at Brian and asked. "I didn't fuck Justin?" Justin was hysterical now. Brian knew that Justin must have been messing with Mikey. Justin became serious for a moment and replied. "No, Michael-but you did kiss me" Michael looked to Brian for confirmation. Brian nodded. Michael's hands were shaking as he blurted out. "I want to breathe a sigh of relief but on the other hand I want to grab Justin and spank him. 

Michael didn't realize he had said that out loud until Brian gave him a stern look. "Oh Shit"   
Brian looked to Justin smiling and then jokeingly stated I'm the only one allowed to discipline the boy" Justin couldn't help but laugh even more. Brian lunged at the teen trying to get hold of him so he could play spank him for being a bad boy. But Justin dragged his leg and moved. Michael couldn't believe that Brian wasn't mad at him for kissing Justin. It wasn't that Brian was happy about it but Justin was feeling better and he didn't want to upset the mood. He watched the two wrestle around-but the odd thing was he was aroused by it. He sat down so no one noticed. Brian did. He's known Mikey all this time and can tell when the man has a hard on. Justin begged for Brian to release him. Brian spat out. "Not until you apologize to Mikey" Justin put on an innocent smile and sweetly voice his apology. "I'm sorry Michael that you wanted to fuck me but this ass belongs to the famous Brian Kinney" Justin escaped Brian's smack and hobbled over to Michael. Justin quit smiling for a minute and spoke. Seriously I'm sorry-I was just fooling around" Justin had forgiven Michael and Michael realized this and spoke. "Its ok but next time, don't get in bed with me again-you'll give me a heart attack" Justin smiled and replied.  
"Or another hard on" Justin had noticed too. Michael looked the other way hoping that his face would quit burning. 

Brian went to the phone as he originally planned and ordered some food. Michael was hoping that no one asked why he came over in the first place. Brian got the food ordered and went and sat next to his best friend. He put his hand on Michael's neck and spoke. "So Mikey are you ready to tell me why you came here tonight fucked up?" Michael turned a darker shade of red. Justin knew that he wouldn't open up if he was there. He went to go take a shower so they could talk. But before he got to far out of Brian's reach he pulled him close. Brian whispered.  
"You're next sonny boy" Justin looked at him smiling and replied. "What did I do?" Brian looked at him wanting to kiss his tender lips and take him to the bed and caress his soft creamy skin but he ignored the thought..for now. Brian spoke. "Working on Tuesday.." Justin's smile dropped. Justin began. "I didn't want to be a burden and.." He stopped as he saw Michael hanging on very word. Brian motioned him to go take a shower. "I'll talk to you later tonight." 

Justin walked away as heard Michael spilling his guts about him and David. Michael really wasn't there because of the fight with David. He had been missing the gang since he hardly hangs out with them anymore Justin turned on the hot water and realized he didnt have a plastic bag to put over his cast. He cursed. "Shit- if I go out there now they'll think I'm trying to be a nosy little brat" Justin turned off the water and sat on the toilet. I guess I will have to wait until their done." The bathroom door opened and there stood Brian holding a bag. His smirk said it all. "Are you missing something sunshine?" Justin stood up and pulled Brian close and pecked him on the lips and replied. "Yea I'm missing you" Brian tried to hold the smile in but couldn't. He was happy that Justin was feeling better and being a little more himself. Tomorrow was going to be a different battle altogether. Justin is going to have to open up and let his demons escape. Brian knew that some of his were going to escape as well and he was ready to let them go. He gently returned the kiss and smiled. Brian patted the boy on his butt and spoke. "Take the shower and let me finish up with Mikey- then its just you and me baby" Justin leaned over and turned on the water. Brian couldn't resist smacking his butt again. He walked out to Michael. Justin took his time. He let the warm water cascade over his back as he let his thoughts settle on Brian's words. His leg had begun to hurt so he sat on the shower floor hoping that Michael would leave soon. He looked down at his leg running his fingers over the wet plastic reminding him of what his father really was. He sighed. He looked back toward the door knowing that Brian was thrilled that he was feeling better. He did feel better but still wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. He tried to bury his emotions deep. He couldn't let Brian see him this way. The joke he played on Michael was more of a payback but he did feel guilty..just a little. The water began to turn cold but Justin hadn't moved. His heart was hurting. The tears streamed down his face as he cried. Quiet sobs echoed off the walls as he tried to hold them back not wanting them to hear. He choked on his breath and begun to cough fiercely. He knew that they could hear him gagging. His stomach was empty so nothing came up but the feeling of emptiness He was angry at himself for letting his father once again creep in to his thoughts and make him feel weak and vulnerable. He wiped his face as he heard Brian run and open the door and ask. "Are you okay" Not realizing that he was shivering from the ice cold water he looked up and trembled when he spoke. "I'm ok-just my stomach" 

Brian turned off the water and helped him out. He took the towel and covered him. Brian took the plastic bag off and picked up the boy and carried him to the bed. Michael watched feeling the need to comfort him too. Brian laid him on the bed and covered him up with a blanket and spoke lovingly. "I'll be right back..ok baby" Justin knew he was going to force Michael out-even though he needed Brian at that very moment he knew Michael did too. Justin shook his head and replied. "No.. Brian go talk with Michael he needs you right now" He looked toward Michael not caring if Justin was right. Brian replied. "Ok but as soon as were done I'll be right here just you and me" Brian sat down again next to Michael noticing that he was staring toward the bed watching Justin Brian moved the mans head and face him to speak. "Why are you really here Mikey?" Michael closed his eyes for a moment then opened them. He looked directly in to Brian's eyes and cried. "Brian I think I'm falling in love" Brian didn't expect him to say those words. He whispered. "With who?" Brian had a suspicion but didn't act upon it just yet. Michael stood up not wanting to be in arms length when he told him who. Brian knew immediately. Michael sighed.... Brian needed to know. He asked. "Is it Justin?" Michael looked at him oddly and spoke. "No! ok-Brian I do find him to be cute and all but I don't go for that blond over dramatic type.- I was talking about David" Brian let out a big smile. He laughed out his next reply. "the way you made it sound I thought you were talking about Justin" Michael let out a forced laugh. Even though that Brian's first instinct was right. He was falling for Justin but he couldn't tell his best friend that. He continued to ramble as Brian watched his lips move. He didn't believe Mikey. Justin was a prize but not to be shared. Michael looked to the bed again knowing that Justin needed Brian. He took brian's hand and spoke. "Brian-you need to go in there and be with him-I've got to get home and get some sleep for work tomorrow"

He kissed him good night and left,Brian walked in looking to see if Justin was sleeping. His eyes were closed but he was awake. Brian sat down on the bed and whispered. "So what happened in the shower..baby?" Justin didnt even open his eyes knowing that if he looked at Brian he would crumble and fall apart. Justin could only cry. "Just make me forget" Brian slid in to the bed already undressed and pulled him close. He held him for a few minutes trying to console him. Justin turned still keeping his eyes closed kissing him gently Brian returned the kiss. 

Justin let the tears escape. Brian held him tight knowing tomorrow was going to be even worse. Justin let his thoughts subside as he put his shaky hand on Brian's back. even though he was a mess he still needed Brian to make him forget the day. He opened his eyes and offered a loving smile. Brian waited for the go ahead not wanting to mistake comforting for sex. Justin nudged him waiting for Brian to pleasure him. Brian smiled and didn't hesitate. 

After an hour or so passed Brian slipped out of bed knowing that Justin was sound asleep. He walked to the kitchen and pulled out leftovers and sat at the computer. He needed time to think about the day. Brian had been upset as well but didn't show it. His thoughts drifted onto Michael and how he reacted toward Justin. Kissing him? Was he pissed at Michael? He wasnt sure. He turned on the computer and waited for it to boot up. He glanced over to the bed and smiled. He couldn't blame Michael for having a crush on him. There was just something about the boy that was irresistible. 

His eyes caught something on the floor under the couch. He leaned over to see what it was but couldn't tell so he got up and walked near the couch. He bent over and pulled the book out. It was one of Justin's sketching pads. Brian thought a moment. "why would he hide it?" He open the book and his heart felt like someone was stabbing a knife through it. He sat there on the floor flipping at the pages. Every single drawing had something to do with suicide. The pain the he portrayed in these pictures were far worse than Justin led on. He stopped and stared at one of the drawings that was almost sketched in black. He stared at it for a long time. Something about this picture bothered him. It was a picture of Justin sitting by a window with darkness surrounding him-and as you glance out the window there stood all the people that he loved. Brian being the first one in front holding something-he couldn't tell. Brian shuddered. The faces on all of them looked dissatisfied except for Brian. He was the only one who had a loving smile. Brian didn't understand the drawing fully but he knew that Justin needed more help than he thought. He noticed that on the bottom of each page was a date and a title. On this particular one it wasn't the date that bothered him it was the title. It made him want to cry. "Since you took your love away" Brian didn't want to look at anymore pictures but he couldn't put the book down. He continued to flip forward and landed on a drawing that had smudge marks like it had gotten wet. Brian ran his finger over realizing that they had been tear marks. He had been crying when he drew this one. Brian looked at the picture letting his tears fall. It was Justin holding his arms out to everyone he loved. Again he was surrounded in darkness. Brian was holding something again in this drawing too. He looked closer.. "Oh My God" It was the bloody scarf. Brian looked to Justin. "I thought he had let the bashing go-he said he was fine" Brian closed the book and cried. 

Brian let the book drop to the floor, did he actually think that Justin had gotten over that night. How could he? He himself still remembered the night as if just happened. It haunted him every day. He glanced over to the sleeping teen. His heart ached for him. They both would have to face the demons that taunted them. Tomorrow would be the beginning of the end. Brian stood up and went to the bed and slipped in pulling the boy to him. He watched as Justin mumbled softly. He closed his eyes exhausted. 

Monday Morning   
Justin yawned, stretching out, noticing that Brian had his arms tightly around him. He loved the feeling. He almost didn't want to get up but the urge to pee was becoming stronger. He gently pulled away and hobbled to the bathroom. He hadn't noticed that his sketchpad was laying on the floor. Brian opened his eyes not seeing his man he quickly got up. Coming off the step he saw the book laying in the same spot he had left it. he picked it up and put it back under the couch. He would bring it with them just in case Justin swore he was all right. He would show it and see if then he could continue to lie about him feelings. He knew he would have to be the first one to admit the awful feelings he had carried around to get Justin to open up. He was just as scared. He turned around as Justin came out of the bathroom. Brian asked. "Are you ready for today?" Justin wasn't ready to open up just yet but he knew once he got in that little room he was going to have to spill. He replied. "No-not really" Brian had to be honest with himself - he wasn't nearly as ready as he had thought. He glanced at his watch and then spoke. "Well, were still going!-get ready we have to leave in an hour" Justin gathered his things he needed and headed to the shower. Brian waited to hear the water running and went and grabbed the sketchpad and walked out the loft to his jeep. He hid it under the seat and walked back in. He was startled by Justin standing there with a mischievous look. The smaller man spoke. "What are you up to?" Brian looked to the door and shot back his glare. He smiled and then replied.  
"Getting ready to come over there and kiss your sweet ass" Justin smiled while waving his butt at him. Justin taunted him. "if you dare" Brian smirked knowing that he would use sex to stall the Drs. appointment. He replied. "later-we have an appointment to keep" Justin tried to pout but couldn't resist laughing as Brian picked him up and carried him to the shower. They took a quick shower and got dressed. 

Brian grabbed the pills for Justin's headache and some aspirin and slipped it in his pocket. He knew both of them would need it. The drive over there was silent. Both of them were lost in thought of what was going to happen today. Justin looked over to Brian scared of what he might think of him when everything was out in the open. He could only hope that he didn't feel disappointed. He whispered to himself. "I wish I had my sketchpad" Brian had heard the words even though it was below a whisper. Brian glanced over wondering what could be going through his mind. Pulling up to the office Brian turned to Justin and spoke. "Justin-what were about to go through in there is going to help us-promise me that you wont hold anything back" Justin could feel his stomach tightened. He knew he was cornered and would have to agree. But at least he would make Brian promise the same. "only if you won't hold back anything" Brian smirked then replied. "ok its a deal" Both of them got out of the jeep. Brian turned to the boy and spoke. "Justin go ahead of me-I forgot to call the office and tell them I won't be in" Brian had already arranged for the day off but he needed to get the sketchpad and knew if Justin had saw it he might deny everything he felt. Justin nodded his head and replied. "ok Brian" Justin walked inside as Brian bent over and retrieved the book. He stuffed it in his briefcase and walked in joining Justin. 

Dr Campten's Office   
Justin nervously walked around not wanting to sit down. Brian took the seat closest to the door. not sure if Justin would bolt at any time. Dr Campten walked in and sat down. He greeted both of them. "How are you both today?" Neither said a word. Larry looked over his notes and made this clicking noise with his pen. It was driving Justin crazy. He snapped at the dr. "If you don't mind" Larry looked up. He put the pen down and spoke. "ok Justin let's start with you" Justin's hands began to shake. He pushed them in his pockets and whispered. "What do you want to know?" Larry looked down at his notes. "Let's start from the beginning-when you started having problems with your father. Justin looked to Brian sighing as to plead why he had to do this. Brian held out his hand and let Justin take hold. He relaxed..alittle. Justin began.   
"When he found out I was gay" Larry asked more questions that caused Justin to break. His cover was being pulled away leaving him with a naked unsecured feeling. Justin let it all out about his father. How he beat him and hired Chris Hobbes to hurt him. It all came spilling out. Justin looked to Brian as the tears fell looking for any dissatisfaction. Larry picked up the look and spoke. "Justin what are you feeling at this moment" Justin shook his head.   
Whispering "No I can't" Knowing that this was more deep than anyone has explored. Brian knew this was the beginning. Brian pleaded. "Justin please baby tell him" Justin looked away as he spoke. "I don't want Brian to be disappointed in me-and feel like I'm always a burden-That he might see that I'm weak and a nobody that doesn't deserve him and realize that everyone is right" Brian had to hold the tears back. He would have to let him finish. Larry continued to scribble in his notebook. He continued with more questions. "Right about what" Justin put his head down and whispered. "That he doesn't love me" Brian pulled him close and took him in a strong hold and tried to make the teen understand. "Justin-don't you understand that I love you!-I accept you-there's no other place in the world I would rather be..but with you." Brian let his tears fall. Justin put his face in to Brian's shoulder hoping that they were done. Larry spoke up. "Justin? I know there's more we need to cover-we need to finish" Justin slumped down in to Brian's hold and waited for more questions. Brian pulled away from Justin and bent down to open up his briefcase. He pulled out the pad. He needed to make Justin confront the night of the bashing and if it took shocking the hell out of him well then that's what it took. Justin recognized it immediately. He stood up and back away in to the wall. Larry was clueless to what just happened. Brian slapped the pad on to his desk and spoke. "There's more than we thought.. Larry" He picked up the pad and looked over to Justin almost wanting to console the boy too.   
"Brian how could you?" Justin screamed. "That's private" 

Brian wanting him to let go of the pent up emotion moved toward him. Justin motioned him back not wanting to be held. Brian screamed. "Don't you understand Justin-holding on to these bad memories will only make things worse." Justin was angry. He was being pushed and pushed and was sick of it. He screamed back. "You talk about holding on to bad memories-when I needed to talk about my head getting bashed in no one wanted to hear me-you and everyone else kept telling me to forget about the bad things Chris did-forget about my father-forget that Michael tells me you don't love me every chance he gets-forget that no matter how hard I try there's no one there to tell me its okay to feel bad-its okay to cry. So I listened to you all- I tried to forget the pain-the hurt but every day I got up and looked at all the disappointment that I caused just by breathing I gave up and that's when you found me in your loft in the corner holding a gun to my head.. Nothing mattered but you. And still I seemed to upset you by cramping your lifestyle. Wanting you only to want me.. Is that such a bad thing?-you try to pretend that I'm not that important to you but I know that's a lie Brian-but everyone else just sees me as a lost trick that's a nobody and never will be and you continue to let them believe it? Or am I just delusional believing that you love me?" Justin felt his head ache-He let his knees cave in and slowly dropped to the floor sitting in the corner letting the tears fall. He waited for Brian to answer. He didn't want to hurt him but the truth sometimes hurts. Brian sat there for a moment without saying a word. He stood and walked to the door grabbing hold of the door knob. Brian paused knowing that if he and Justin were ever going to make it he had to be honest with himself. 

"Why is this so Goddamn hard" Brian thought. Justin watched as his heart was breaking hoping that Brian didn't leave.. Brian slid his hands through his hair and released the knob and turned to Justin. Brian saw the sadness in his eyes and walked over to him kneeling down reaching out for his hand and spoke. "You're right Justin-I couldn't face the truth that I almost lost you that night-I hurt and I didn't want to admit it. I kept telling myself that if no one mentioned it that it would just go away. You had enough love for the both of us-but I did you wrong and I admit it and don't want to face the rest of my life alone. I love you Justin and have since the first night I laid my eyes on you. I never meant for you to feel unloved-I was just afraid that if I showed you the real me you would [pausing] you would leave me eventually for some younger guy and I couldn't open myself up to that pain. But I see now that I have to take the chance and grabbed it because if I cant tell you the way I really feel then I'm going to lose you and if that happens I might as well be dead." Justin pulled Brian in to a hug. Larry interrupted again as he flipped through the pages of the book astounded at the boy's talent but concerned at the content of what it portrayed. He spoke with concern in his voice. "Justin this one particular picture you drew-You sitting by the window in darkness- what does it mean?" Brian looked at the drawing. It was the same one he was bothered by. Justin looked at it and thought at how long it had taken him to draw it. He had cried most of the time as he let the charcoal pencil glide over the paper. His thoughts fell upon the page and remained. Justin looked over at the doctor. Larry was trying to decipher the meaning in his expressions. Justin let out a smirk as to say "Go ahead Doc read my fucking mind and tell me what I already know" Brian sighed knowing that Justin was trying to shut his emotions down. Brian nudged the boy hoping he would continue. "Justin..please I need to know what is running through your mind-I can't wait any longer" He looked over at the drawing again. He had thought long and hard when he had drawn that picture. He even had words that went with it. They were written on the back of the page. Very small and barely readable. He looked to Brian and recited them. As his voice quivered the words poured out..... Just me-I'm sitting by the window wishing that I were free surrounded in darkness waiting for you to love me-No one approaches but stands face to face-Hoping to be accepted and not be replaced-Needing you to hold out your hand and let me know-that you are willing to love me and let it show-Not afraid to say what you really feel-waiting for those three words to make it real-Waiting until tomorrow hoping you will see a person worth loving and that would be me. -Shelly Elwell- visit her work at Poetry.com Poet Search 

Brian took a hold of Justin's chin and pulled him close. He whispered something in his ear only meant for him. "I realized that forever was in your eyes the moment you said that you loved me" Justin let out a smile realizing that Brian did love him. Larry looked to Brian and decided it was time to pick on him. "Brian I see that you have a lot of pent up frustration buried- lets start from the beginning" Brian looked to Justin realizing it wasn't as easy to open up as he thought. He spoke. "I was eight years old when I finally realized that the world was fucked. I closed myself off emotionally not wanting to hurt anymore." Larry continued asking questions. He ended the questioning as a timer went "Bing" Their session had been going for almost 5 hours before Larry suggested a break. Larry responded. "We can continue this tomorrow"

Both Brian and Justin were exhausted but they felt better. The demons they carried were escaping. Justin hobbled to the door waiting for Brian to join him. Brian was still talking to Larry. Justin watched as he thought to himself "what made the two of them friends." Justin knew that they had never fucked because Brian doesn't do friends...look at Michael who has been waiting all these years just for a hand job. Justin had to smile at that. Brian finally approached and they left the office. Justin turned to Brian and spoke. "can I have my sketch pad back now?" Brian had put it back in his briefcase knowing Justin would need it again but hoping not as much. Brian nodded his head and spoke. "Yea but first let's get home, have some dinner and let me touch your adorable ass and then I might think about it". 

Justin smiled his magnificent smile and climb in to the jeep. The ride home was more pleasurable and the their thoughts were on each other. Brian glanced over to Justin and with a quick smile spoke barely above a whisper "I could hear you whispering in the silence of my mind as my heart surrenders when I lay my eyes upon yours-I barely can get through the day without holding you near-The aching in my soul when you walk away- even for a moment- Love me now and forever.. Justin for I will love you till the end" 

Justin let the tears roll off his cheeks as he grabbed Brian's hand and kissed it. Brian could be so romantic even if he denies he is. Justin had no words that could compare to his at that moment but with a smile Brian felt the boy's emotions deeper than any word that could touch his heart.. 

They drove back to the loft continuing to slip quick glances at each other. Brian and Justin would continue their therapy but at that very moment they both knew that nothing could ever tear them apart.

Nothing!


End file.
